Where the Light Is
by distant.dream118
Summary: Bella and Edward met as teenagers during her summer vacation. Their lives were forever altered by the events of that summer, and six years later they are still trying to understand the overwhelming hold of love.
1. Innocence

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

Summary: It's amazing the power that three little words have. They hold the power to lift us up, take us down, break our hearts, make them whole, ruin lives, or save them. Time seems to make no difference in the effect those words have on our lives. Bella and Edward met as teenagers during her summer vacation. Their lives were forever altered by the events of that summer, and six years later they are still trying to understand.rwhelming hold of love.

Bella's family was nearing the end of the four hour drive from Seattle to Lake Crescent. School had just let out for the summer, and they would be spending three months at their cabin near the lake.

Charlie pulled into the tiny parking lot of the Safeway. "Alright, ladies. Let's get in and get out. I hate this place." Charlie's eyebrows turned down, and his eyes narrowed at the sight of the bright red letters that adorned the front of the building.

Renee laughed, and smiled gently at her husband. "You can stay in the car if you want to."

Bella watched from the backseat of the SUV, as her father gently placed his large hand on her mother's cheek. "That is why I love you."

Renee placed her hand over his, and gave a small squeeze. "I hope you love me for more than just that." A sly smile spread across Charlie's face, as she winked at him.

"Ugh!" Bella's voice rang out in a disgusted tone from the backseat. She hated riding in cars for long periods of time, and it was even worse to be sharing all that time with her parents, who didn't seem to acknowledge her presence. She pulled the handle of the door and pushed it open. "Let's go, Mom."

The shopping trip didn't take long. Bella and Renee were seasoned veterans to the aisles of the store. They knew exactly what they needed, and could be in and out in less than thirty minutes. Their tiny family had been making this summer journey for eleven years, every year since Bella was five.

Bella didn't look forward to the trip as much as her parents did. It always seemed to be a trip in which they played honeymooners, and rekindled their romance, rather than spending time as a family. Over the last few years, Bella had spent the majority of her summer reading by the lake, or writing and listening to music in a small meadow that was just a short hike from their cabin.

The meadow was probably Bella's favorite place to be in the world. She especially enjoyed being there just as the sun set in the sky. It was at twilight when the fireflies came out of their hiding places. They lit up the field, and Bella would watch in amazement as they sparked and cooled all around her. If magic existed, that was it.

They exited the store, with Renee pushing the cart and Bella double-checking the list.

"Shit." The expletive flew out of her mouth, and Bella immediately clapped her hand over her lips.

"Watch your language." Her mother chided. "What's the problem?"

"I forgot something. I'm going to run back in."

"Alright, I'll have your father pull the car around."

Bella jogged quickly through the aisles, and stopped just in front of aisle fourteen. Standing in the middle of the aisle was a tall, bronze-haired boy. His profile held very distinct features, and her eyes were glued to his jaw. She sucked in a quick breath for confidence, and walked right past him. His eyes followed her, but then turned back to the boxes he was looking at: condoms.

The blush snuck onto Bella's cheeks, as she grabbed the first box of tampons her fingers touched. It's not that she is a prude; it's just that no one wants to be the person standing next to the guy checking out condoms. She saw the sideways smirk appear on his face, as she turned on her heels, and walked hastily towards the cash register.

Luck was not on her side. Just as she realized that only one of the seven registers inside the god-forsaken small town store was open, he rounded the corner still wearing his idiotic grin. She made her way to the back of the line, and again, cursed her luck.

The woman in front of her was still unloading her cart, and by the looks of it, she still had about fifty cans left to go.

_What the hell do you even do with that many cans of tuna?_

Smiley joined her in line, sans box of condoms. She couldn't help herself, she had to ask.

"Why are you standing in line if you aren't buying anything?" She wanted her facial expression to read as irritated. However, once her eyes settled on his face, she could barely get the words out of her mouth.

As if he hadn't noticed he wasn't holding anything, he looked down at his hands, and then back at her. Without saying a word, he reached up and grabbed a random pack of gum from the shelf above the conveyor belt. "My breath is awful." His green eyes now held the laughter that his cheeky smile was holding back.

_Smiley bastard_, Bella thought, as her breath made its way back into her lungs. She didn't really like boys at the moment, and this one with his chiseled jaw and show stopping smile was just pissing her off. Bella and Mike had just recently broken up for the sixth, and final time. She was over him, and his small… .Whatever. She was done.

She placed her box of tampons onto the conveyor belt, and set the brown plastic bar behind it.

"Thank God. I'd hate for her to get our purchases mixed up." His voice was deep, but still smooth. Bella turned and narrowed her eyes at him. Immediately, the smile left his face and was replaced by a look of confusion.

"I apologize. I was just joking." While her attention was focused on him, the cashier rang up Bella's purchase. She didn't want to pardon his behavior, but his emerald eyes were so sincere.

"It's alright. I'm just tired and a little worked up." The smile that lit up his face was so genuine she couldn't help but smile back.

He held his hand out, and she shook it gently, "I'm Edward."

"Bella."

He reached back and placed the package of gum back in its box. After seeing her, he had no intention of purchasing anything. He just wanted to talk to her.

Bella slipped her hand through the plastic rings of her grocery bag and walked towards the automatic doors.

"Bella!" He called out. "Hey, Bella. Just a second."

She stopped walking and turned on her toes to face him. She watched as he dug frantically in his pockets, and did a sort of jumping jog towards her.

"Would you mind giving me your phone number?" he asked, breathless from his peculiar movements.

"That's a little forward, don't you think?"

"Maybe," he answered with a shrug. "I'm not really worried about being forward right now."

She looked at him questioningly, "And what exactly are you worried about?"

The cheeky smile appeared on his face again, "About never seeing the beautiful girl from the condom aisle ever again."

Before she could even respond, a booming voice sounded from across the parking lot.

"What. The. Fuck. Cullen?" A dark haired boy stood next to a red truck, which was splattered in mud and in need of a new paint job. The truck wasn't ancient but it definitely wasn't new. The bellowing young man had one arm around the shoulders of a leggy blonde, whilst the other gestured wildly towards Edward.

"Oh, shit." He muttered, as he looked down at his empty hands. "May I please have your number?"

He held his cell phone out to her, and against all of her instincts she took it.

What could be so bad about giving this brazen boy her phone number? Who could it hurt?

"Cullen. I'm losing my patience here." Bella attempted to make her clumsy fingers move faster, as Edward cursed under his breath motioned for his friend to hold on.

She handed the phone back to him, and Edward smiled gently at her before running towards the red truck.

Her mother and father were watching intently from a front row parking space. As she approached the car, she could see that their facial expressions differed greatly.

Her mother wore a benevolent smile. Bella imagined that her mother was happy that she had found someone who may occupy her time this summer. Leaving her parents to do things that Bella would rather not think about.

The scowl on her father's face was deep and ominous. Bella couldn't imagine why her father would feel such disdain for this boy, but she shrugged it off as one of his fatherly duties.

"Who was that, honey?" Renee questioned. Her voice was sticky sweet and Bella saw right through her.

"Just a boy." As the words left her lips her cell phone buzzed gently in her pocket.

_Thanks for taking a chance. – Edward_

A/N: I know some of this seems familiar, because it is. If you read "Fireflies" half of this chapter is verbatim from the one-shot, which is why I will be posting TWO chapters today. Thanks for reading and please review! Praise, constructive criticism, how bad your New Years Day hangover is…I'm not picky. Just let me know you're reading!


	2. Iniquity

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Sinister black night settled over the winding roads of the 101. Bella had never really enjoyed this drive, and she enjoyed it even less in the shadowy umbrage of the night sky.

Her family's cabin sat vacant for years after Bella left for college. Her parents had lost interest and offered the cabin as a wedding gift to Bella and her husband. Unfortunately, Eric was allergic to just about everything, and would never be able to make it surrounded by the piney woods of the cabin.

Bella needed to make the trip to check on the cabin, but also planned to finally make her peace with this place. _He_ still inhabited every cell of her body, but she thought if she could find peace in this place that the feelings would begin to recede. Six years had done nothing to change the tug she still felt in her heart at the flickering thought of him. Maybe if she could say goodbye to this space, eventually she could say goodbye to the idea of him being a part of her life.

They were barely a year into their marriage, and Bella still found herself saving certain parts of herself for a person that was no longer there. Eric was an amazing man, and he didn't deserve that. They met at freshmen orientation, and had been close friends for two years when he admitted his feelings for her. It had been so long since she had let anyone be that close to her, and she knew that he would never ever hurt her.

They dated for two years. She grew to love him. It wasn't an all-consuming kind of love. It was a comfortable and safe kind of love. He made her smile when she didn't think it was possible. He brought home flowers simply because he saw them, and they reminded him of her. He whispered sweet things in her ear as they made love. He was a beautiful person, and she didn't deserve him.

As her sleek silver Volvo drifted slowly through the hills of the Olympic National Forest, Bella's mind drifted back to earlier in the evening when she had said goodbye to Eric. He had placed a sweet kiss to her lips, and she had pushed her lips harder into his in an attempt to make herself feel it. Those sweet tingles that had so easily crept from her toes all the way up her body at sixteen were a distant memory. The beautiful burn of a kiss that would sear through her veins was something she desperately wanted to feel with Eric. She pinched her eyebrows together and forced her lips onto his. He had pulled back laughing, and told her she looked like she was in pain. She recovered quickly, making a lame statement about it hurting to leave him. She felt terrible, and rushed out of their tiny house.

Bella was feeling the need to drown her sorrows in a glass of wine, but the cabin would have nothing and she didn't feel like going to the grocery store this evening.

The streets of Forks blazed with the shine of freshly fallen rain and street lights. The sound of water springing forth under tires created an eerie symphony when mixed with the soft classical music drifting through the speakers in her car. She shivered slightly, and decided that she would need to stop for something to calm the tempest that was threatening to overtake her body.

She spotted the seedy looking bar, and decided it was better than nothing. She swung her car into a parking space, gathered her purse, and walked toward the door.

She walked inside, and there he was. Leaning lazily against the wooden bar, was the boy she offered innocence and light to several years ago. Only, he was no longer a boy, and the light she had given him had been lost somewhere along the way. His hair was still messy and the distinct color of worn pennies. He was much taller, and his stance no longer held the confidence of the boy who hoped things would get better some day.

Time didn't begin to crawl, and she didn't feel like the world stopped spinning for the two of them. It didn't feel like suddenly everything was right with the world. In truth, it was all so wrong. Everything was wrong. The feelings that had haunted her for the past six years were very real, and stared back at her in the form of green eyes and tousled hair.

The bitter taste of nostalgia mixed with pain filled her mouth. Each thought that formed in her mind was beyond logical. Emotions began to bubble up underneath her skin. Want, anger, sadness, elation, and terror. Each one flooded her senses and she couldn't think straight or take her eyes off of his.

He looked down at the bar and took a quick drink of his beer. She watched, as he sucked in a breath and closed his eyes.

The bar was small, and there wasn't much space between them. He approached her slowly, as though she might disappear if he moved too quickly. His hand moved slowly, and brushed against her elbow.

Her intake of breath was sharp, and happened at the same time that he closed his eyes.

"I swear I've dreamed of this a thousand times."

She wasn't sure how to respond to that statement. She had spent six years fighting this feeling, and she certainly wasn't ready to admit to it that easily.

"Uh…do you wanna sit down or something?" His voice was gruff and sleepy. He moved closer, and she noticed the deep circles that time and lack of sleep had carved underneath his emerald eyes.

"Sure." Her voice came out high-pitched, and was a startling contradiction to what she typically sounded like.

They moved to a small table in the corner that sat just underneath a neon sign. The orange and blue lights mingled gently over their jittery silhouettes.

"Did you…I mean…do you want something to drink?" His eyes were unfocused and stared at a spot just beyond her.

"Wine. Prosecco or a riesling."

"Uh…" He laughed softly and she felt the smile take its place on her lips. "You'll probably just have to take whatever was on sale at Wal-mart this week."

Bella was sure that the words "wine" and "Wal-mart" should never share a sentence together. Her mouth hung open slightly, but she nodded. At that point, as long as it contained alcohol she would gladly accept it.

He walked to the bar, and laughed quietly with the bartender. The bartender handed over a very full glass of what looked to be a blush wine.

He set the glass gently on the table, and finally met her eyes.

"Where have you been?" He asked gently.

"You stopped calling," she accused, as her fingertips traced the lines of condensation that formed on her glass. She hadn't wanted to go there right off the bat, but her heart was screaming for an answer to the agony it had suffered.

"Not intentionally." The comment was so off-hand that she wanted to reach across the table and slap him for being so nonchalant about the breaking of her heart.

"That's cryptic."

He shrugged his shoulders, and looked away from her. "My mom left my dad. He could barely afford to feed us, and the phone line was the first to go."

Bella never wanted for anything growing up. She always had food on the table; the latest technology; parents who were still madly in love with each other; and, brand new clothes every school year. Edward lived a very different reality, and she hated knowing that she thought so poorly of him over something that he had no control over.

He picked up his beer, and she noticed it. A sleek silvery band graced the ring finger on his left hand. Without thinking, her hand reached across the table, and grazed the smooth surface.

"You're married?"

He nodded.

"How long?"

"Almost two years." He didn't look up from the label of his beer, "You?"

"One year." It didn't escape her notice that neither of them spoke of their marriages with the excitement of people who were madly in love. Their voices were hushed and monotone; as if they were ashamed to admit that they had settled for someone else.

"What's her name?" Bella didn't want to know this. She secretly hoped it was something awful. It wouldn't have mattered if it was. Bella was certain that when her name fell from his lips in bed it sounded like the most beautiful prayer.

"Kate."

Bella nodded sharply.

"What about you?"

"His name is Eric. We met in college. He's a great guy. I'm really happy." He had only asked for his name. She couldn't even begin to explain why she had felt the need to elaborate. Her mind had never been able to keep up with her lips when she was around him. The last part was bound to hurt him, and it was completely unnecessary.

To her surprise, he looked slightly amused instead of hurt.

"Does it hurt your mouth to lie like that?" The mischievous smile that she only held memories of made an appearance.

"What do you mean?"

"You just lied to me. Your face has always given you away."

There was only one part of her statement that was a lie. She wasn't happy. At least, she wasn't happy with Eric. It wasn't that he couldn't make her happy; she just didn't allow him to. She was constantly waiting for him to come back into her life.

"Do you think that this is just how it was supposed to be?"

"What do you mean?" She asked before taking a long drink of her wine. The pinkish liquid was nauseatingly sweet, and she had to swallow it quickly to keep from making a face.

"Like, forever just wasn't meant for us. We were supposed to be passionate but not lasting. Maybe, we were always meant to say goodbye."

She had never thought of this before. Maybe they were only allowed to have three months of pure bliss in their lives. Maybe this was just the price that you paid when you experienced that kind of happiness. If that was the case, then there was one part that didn't make sense.

"Then why won't this feeling go?" Regardless of how hard Bella had tried to feel it for anyone else, the feeling lingered only for him.

"I don't know. Sometimes I find myself hoping that it never does."

"Why?" Didn't he want to be happy? Didn't he want to feel normal again?

"It's the sweetest pain I've ever known. It's the only thing I feel anymore." His hands ran over his face, and then they stayed wrapped gently around his cheeks and eyes.

She stood up abruptly and then turned on her heels to look at him. "I'm married. He doesn't deserve this."

His eyes filled with anger as he turned towards her. "Oh, and she does?"

She couldn't handle it. The tone of his voice. The spark of indignation in his eyes. The nearness of him.

Her feet carried her out of the bar and into the heavy sheets of rain falling from the massive clouds that stood invisible in the black night. She paused briefly outside of the door in the repulsive hope that he would follow her out and take her away from everything.

He didn't come, and she knew he wouldn't. Her body began to shake with the exertion she used to keep the emotions at bay. Her mindless body made its way to the safety of her car.

Her forehead rested against the steering wheel as the emotions finally tore their way out of her body. The storm was finally set free, and she attempted to tame it with words that meant nothing to her heart or her soul.

_You can't feel this for him._

_You can't._

_He's just a boy._

_Just a boy._

_There aren't any chances left._

_You have no more chances to give._

**Thank you to my lovely beta's! This story would not be making an appearance if it weren't for them!**

**A/N: I just realized I didn't bold the a/n in the first chapter. Oh well! Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I will be updating weekly for as long as my writing can keep up with my posting. The chapters will alternate between young B&E and adult B&E. Let me know your thoughts, praises, constructive criticism! Reviews make my hangover headache all better!**


	3. Found

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

He hated them. He hated them for everything they had ever done in their lives. He hated them for getting married. He hated them for having children. He hated them for staying married. He hated them for making him grow up so quickly.

Esme and Carlisle had married young and struggled for every year of their marriage. They struggled through the first year, through Carlisle's years in school, through the death of parents and friends, and through the births of their four children. Each one held its difficulties, and at some point they just gave up.

Edward struggled constantly with his parent's relationship. He believed that love that lasted forever didn't exist, and that there was no such thing as "making love". It was all a fairytale that people made up in their minds so that they could condone their next relationship. He didn't need that, because he would never end up like them. Bitter, angry, and desperately alone in all of it.

The thing that he hated most of all was that they showed so much of their hate in front of their children. He didn't feel like something made out of love. He felt like he was made out of spite and hate.

His hands gripped the steering wheel of his 1989 F-150. His knuckles burned white with the effort he exerted in his grip. He swung quickly off of the 101 and onto the rocky path that led to the only place that provided him with solace.

He locked his elbows as his truck began to bounce wildly against the rocks and tree stumps. His foot stood on the gas, and he let the truck barrel through the tree lined path. He was being careless, and he knew it. He couldn't force himself to care whether or not he made it back home. Sometimes he wondered if they would be different if something horrible happened. If he didn't come back, would they find comfort in each other? Would it be a point on which they could rebuild?

The truck plowed through the trees, and Edward took his hands off of the steering wheel. He was so out of control, but he knew he could fix this if he wanted. If he wanted, he could steer the truck and push on the brake. He could make this stop.

The need to exert his control of the situation came on suddenly, like a tidal wave taking over his entire body. He had to stop. The impulse was so strong it couldn't be ignored. His eyes focused on something that lay in the middle of the clearing that his truck was barreling towards. Illuminated by the sun's rays was the girl he had met at the store.

He began to scream wildly out the window as he slammed on the brakes and jerked the wheel to the right.

"Get the fuck out of the way!" He yelled.

Her body lay still in the grass as the hunk of metal roared towards her. Edward had two options: He could plow into the girl or yank the truck to the right and risk blown tires and perhaps a broken axel. He loved the truck, but it wasn't worth anyone's life. Why the fuck wasn't this chick moving?!

Quickly, Edward jerked the wheel all the way to the right. The tail spun out into the field, as the tires threw dirt and grass into the air. The truck groaned in frustration as he threw it in park.

He ran to the girl, who was still blissfully unaware of the danger she had just escaped.

He stood over her for a moment and watched as her sundrenched body wiggled to the beat of whatever music she was playing on her disc-man. She was clearly alive. Her body was completely illuminated. The sun made each freckle and scar show clearly on her fair skin. Her brown hair displayed itself in gentle brown waves against the green grass. She seemed to be throwing light in every direction. She was shining, beautiful, and if he didn't know better he would think he had discovered the sun.

He bent down and pulled the headphone away from her ear, "Jesus Christ, Sunshine. You have no fucking clue what just almost happened to you."

Her eyes flew open, "Shit." She screamed, and then immediately slapped her hand to her mouth.

"What?" Edward asked, suddenly alarmed. "What is it? Are you ok? I don't think I hit you."

"You scared me." She said through her hand.

"Well, I'd have to say the same to you. Why are you talking through your hand?"

Her hand fell from her lips and into her lap. She looked down at the grass, and a light blush colored her cheeks. "I'm not allowed to curse. My parents don't like it."

_Oh shit_, he thought, _she's like thirteen. _

"How old are you?" She didn't look thirteen, but he wasn't taking any chances.

"Sixteen."

"Really?!" He was shocked. "So, why don't your parents like for you to curse?"

"I'm not sure any parent really finds enjoyment in their children saying obscene words. They just don't like it."

"So you don't curse at all?" The word had flown from her lips, so she must have used it before.

"Of course I do. The hand thing is just a habit." She smiled softly, and he thought the sun was a shade brighter.

"It's weird finding you here."

"It's weird that you are here. What are you doing?"

"I come here all the time. My friend Emmett and I found this place when he first got his driver's license."

Realization brightened her eyes. "Oh, he's the yelling boy from the grocery store. That's not his truck, it's yours."

"Uh, yeah." He said, as he plopped down in the grass next to her.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "So, I guess you're going to hang out for awhile?"

He nodded. "It's never sunny here, and this place is beautiful when it is."

"It really is," she commented, picking up her ear phones and offering one to him.

"What are you listening to?"

She placed the tiny bud in his ear, and lay back down. Lyrics flooded his ears and his mind. The song was over played on the radio, but these lyrics held something new for him.

_You know the lies they always told you_

_And the love you never knew_

_What's the things they never showed you_

_That swallowed the light from the sun_

**A/N: First things first, THANK YOU! I am overwhelmed and amazed by the number of people who decided to take a chance and read a brand new fic by an inexperienced writer. Your reviews were lovely! **

**Some incredibly amazing ladies have created a thread for Where the Light Is over on Twilighted. The link is in my profile. **

**HUGE thanks to my beta's, Kristi_28 and dorothysrubyslippers! They put up with my dialogue fail and comma addiction. Another big thank you to angel27eyes, who pre-reads for me and lets me know where I'm lacking word wise. Last but not least, thank you MrsTheKing for pimping my story, and being amazing in general.**

**On Monday there will be a teaser for Ch. 4 up on The Fictionators blog, and Ch. 4 will be up on Friday evening. Leave me some love, constructive criticism, or let me know how upset you are that the Longhorn's lost the National Championship **


	4. Lost

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

He watched as she walked out of the door. Out of his life. Again.

The fear that he would never see her again ran cold through his veins, as her wine glass met the wall and shattered. Its sweet red remnants creating tiny rivers down the wooden wall.

"Fuck. I'm sorry, Jake."

Jake waved his hand idly and turned back to the game that was playing out silently on the T.V. above the bar.

All of a sudden, Edward's heart seized in his chest. She just walked out of the door, and he would never see her again. Bella. His Bella.

Fumbling fingers grabbed his keys from the pocket of his brown leather jacket. Clumsy feet walked him straight to his red truck. He jumped inside, and it stuttered to life. The loud rumble always brought back memories of her.

He threw the truck in reverse, and started east. The only reason she would be there was because of the cabin. If he didn't find her at the cabin, he would drive until he did.

He never chased after Kate. She stormed out of their house more times than he could count, and each time he let her go. He would get in his truck, stop by the bar, have a beer, grab a dozen roses from the store, and apologize when she came back home.

He was grateful that a reminder of Kate had finally come to him, but realized that it didn't seem to be stopping him.

The car in front of him made the turn onto the road that lead to her cabin. He had only visited the cabin once, but drove past frequently in hope of finding her there one day.

The rain was blinding, and he couldn't see anything. He flung open the door to his truck and stumbled out into the rain. The door to her car flew open and she threw herself out of the car. Even in the rain he could see that her face was red and she had been crying.

He was so torn. Kate saved him from himself. She picked him up after his mother walked away. She was his rock. When he hit rock bottom, he was completely self destructive and reckless. She held him together all these years. What the fuck was he doing here?

"Why the fuck are you following me?" She shouted into the rain.

Instantly, a flashback filled his mind. There she sat in the middle of the field with her hand clamped tightly over her mouth as if it would hold the naughty words inside. The girl in his dreams was sweet sunshine and pretty words. The woman that stood before him was dark skies and angry eyes.

As he stared at Bella, who was all rage and fury, the image of that innocent girl who had brought him to life sent him over the edge. Laughter bubbled in his chest and escaped in loud guffaws. His arm wrapped around his stomach as he doubled over and laughed whole-heartedly.

He saw her tiny foot stomp on the ground.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" She demanded.

He took a breath, but his laughter still escaped between his words. "The last time I saw you…you could barely speak…a curse word without clamping…your hand…to…your…mouth."

Her hand flew to her mouth as laughter overtook her, and he watched her transform into the Bella that was his sun. She was every bit of light and happiness he had ever known in his life.

He was so lost in his memories of her that he didn't notice when her bubbly laughing turned into hiccupping sobs. His feet that were so clumsy and unsure when leaving the bar to follow her, now made steady steps towards her shaking body.

His arms pulled her against him, and immediately he felt his body react to her proximity. Her hands were pressing into his chest and began to push him away.

"No!" She shouted. "No. What are we doing? God, this is all so wrong."

Again he pulled her trembling body to his. He pressed his cheek into her hair, and began to speak softly to her.

"We aren't doing anything wrong. It's ok, Sunshine. We can handle this."

She pulled back slightly, as the sobbing faded to silent tears. She unwrapped herself from his arms, and walked to the front door. As she unlocked it, she turned and looked at him expectantly. The years since she had made her brief appearance in his life had taught him never to assume.

"You want me to come in?"

She nodded once before disappearing inside.

The inside of the cabin smelled of woods and rain. The scent of years of the stagnant perfume hung on everything. He wasn't sure where she had gone, so he stood awkwardly waiting for her to return.

She appeared at the end of the hallway in a button up flannel shirt and black sweatpants that were too big on her small frame. Her hair was tangled and wet. He couldn't take his eyes off of her.

Her eyes moved to the floor. "My dad has some old clothes here. You could borrow something."

"Uh…yeah…ok."

"Ok. I laid something on the bed for you. Second door on the left."

Second door on the left. That was her room.

He stepped through the door, and it was like walking into a moment in time. The room was bathed in innocent moonlight. Her twin bed still wore the red polka dot comforter. The white lace curtains still hung on the window. The cork board on her wall still held multiple pictures of them. Snapshots of moments that he had relived in his memories for the last six years.

He changed quickly into the clothes she had left for him. They didn't fit perfectly, but they would work. He took a brief moment to steady himself. They stood on the edge of an incredible cliff, and he wasn't willing to fall. He had Kate to consider. Who would pick her up when he destroyed her? He shook his head to clear the thought. That wasn't going to happen.

His fingers brushed against that matte surface of the pictures. A soft knock came on the door, but he didn't bother moving.

"Come in."

She entered the room slowly, and moved to stand next to him.

"I can't remember wanting anything as much as I wanted you, back then." His fingers trailed over a picture of the two of them. His hands had rested against her cheeks; their foreheads were pressed together, and their eyes were closed. "You were everything. All I thought I could ever want."

"What do you want now?"

"I want to want her like that. She deserves that."

A soft sigh broke through her lips. "I'm sure she does."

Edward turned to look at her. "Does he?"

"Sometimes I wish he didn't. Sometimes I wish that he would give me a reason to hold back and not give everything to him. He deserves to be needed and wanted. Of course, he does."

She moved to stand by the window, and pushed the intricate lace curtains away. The moonlight shone brighter through the window, and she was mesmerizing.

"Do you think that if we never saw each other again it would be possible?" She asked. It was an odd question for her to ask. If the feeling hadn't faded in the years they were apart, what difference would it make now?

"Do I think what would be possible?" He asked for the sake of clarification.

"Letting go. Would that work?"

"I've tried. For years, I've tried. I've tried to give up every ounce of myself to my marriage, but a part of me always holds on to you. I can't let go. You are etched into every part of me."

"What are we going to do?"

"I don't know. I just know that I don't want to lose you again."

"I'm not sure we have a choice."

"I think we do."

"I'm not sure we can handle that."

"The only thing I can't handle is living my entire life, knowing you are out there, and not a part of my life."

"I can't be a part of your life anymore."

"I think you can. We can be friends, Bella."

"Does it hurt your mouth to lie like that?" She asked with a wry smile. She knew as well as he did that being friends wouldn't be possible for them. They would always be so much more. Still, she couldn't say no; she wouldn't leave him again.

They stood there for a moment, watching as the moon danced over the silent waves on Lake Crescent. They were stepping into dangerous, murky water, and neither of them had the ability to turn away.

**A/N: Thank you so much for all of the wonderful reviews! No lies, they are inspiring and help me put words on the page!**

**There is a thread for this story on the Twilighted forums. Some readers have suggested songs that fit the story very well. Come play! The story is also up on Twilighted now, and I am insanely proud of that!**

**Sloppy kisses to the beta's extraordinaire, Kristi_28 and dorothysrubyslippers! They are amazing! Big thanks to angel27eyes, who is my RL friend/fangirl and pre-reader! **

**There will be a teaser up on The Fictionators blog on Monday, and Ch. 5 will be up at 6:30 p.m. CST next Friday. Leave me some love, constructive criticism, or let me know what your favorite book was as a child.**


	5. Salvation

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

The sun began to fade gently into the pink and orange clouds of the evening sky when she noticed the sinking feeling in her chest. It was similar to when you know that you should be doing something, but you just can't think of it or don't know what it is.

She and Edward watched as the leaves, once bright green with the suns brilliant rays, began to turn dark with its descent into the horizon.

Her toes tapped out the beat of the song that played in the ear buds, and her head swiveled back in forth in the grass. Occasionally, the song would break through her lips; but then, he would smile widely which made his cheeks scrunch up, and the ear bud would fall out thus breaking her out of her musical trance.

Edward lay still in the grass beside her just staring up into the sky. His palms were facing up, and he looked like he was trying to soak up every ounce of light that the sun had to offer. Something dark lurked beneath his cheeky grin and beautiful green eyes.

Bella propped herself up on her elbow and looked at his face. He was too young to look so tired and angry.

"How old are you?" She asked, as she tugged on the wire and the tiny speaker fell from his ear.

"Seventeen, but I'll be eighteen in June."

"Oh."

"Why?" He asked, finally sitting up to look at her.

"Well, it's just…you look exhausted or, like, really mad. These," she said, gently touching the soft and slightly purple area underneath his eyes, "make you look older." The move was quite bold for Bella, but she had no reason to censor herself with him. The thought of having a friend in Forks for the summer was nice, but she was tired of not speaking her mind.

"Well aren't you the perceptive one, Sunshine? I've got some pretty heavy shit going on in my life." His words were weary and gruff, but his eyes conveyed a sense of pity that annoyed her.

"I'm sure you do." She huffed, and turned her face so that she was staring at the different hues of green that covered the trees instead of his eyes. It was much easier to focus on the rich greens covering the trees than the searing green of his eyes.

His cheeky smile grew larger. "Aw, don't be angry, Sunshine."

When she didn't turn back to look at him Edward gave an exasperated sigh, and lay back down. "Trust me, you don't need the burden."

Bella's fury grew. She wanted so badly to tell him that he had no right to make a decision about what she could or couldn't handle. She decided against letting her tongue relinquish the words that fought so hard to escape her. While she didn't feel the need to censor herself with Edward, she had never been one to fly off the handle.

She sat up quickly, and began to pack her things in the paisley printed Jansport back-pack she had brought with her.

"Where are you going?"

"Home. I'm not going to beg you to tell me how screwed up your life is. I've got enough going on."

She stood up, and just as she had turned on her heel to walk away she heard him laugh. Rage flooded her veins. She didn't even turn around to look at him. Instead, she turned her face to the red clouds that hung on to the last few moments of twilight.

"If you know what's good for you, you will erase my number from your cell phone. I'm so over guys who think I can't handle shit." Her hand didn't fly to her mouth at the expletive, because he needed no more ammunition.

She and Mike had just broken up because _he_ didn't think she could handle a boyfriend who was headed to college. It's not like she loved Mike, or thought that they would spend the rest of their lives together; _she_ wanted to make the decision on whether or not she could handle it.

As Bella stomped through the darkened forest, she continued to seethe. Churning anger made her wonder what it was about men that led them to believe that women couldn't make decisions for themselves. She made decisions on a daily basis, and damn good ones at that.

The Forks soil wasn't its usual slimy consistency. The ground beneath Bella's feet felt firm and concrete. She was finally in a place where she wasn't afraid to say exactly what she thought or felt. She finally felt like she was becoming someone. All throughout high school she had felt like nothing special, until May when Mike decided that she couldn't handle him going away to school. That was when she decided the one thing she couldn't handle was having decisions made for her anymore. She was a person with thoughts, ideas, and feelings and no one had the right to take those away and impose their own on her.

She was almost to the edge of the trees when she stopped. She was fuming and out of breath. She sank down against a tree, and wondered why she was so affected by this silly boy who had waltzed his way into her life only a week ago.

Sitting on the edge of the forest, between rough rocky terrain and smooth comfortable grass, it hit her. She knew almost nothing about this boy. Instead of offering to listen, she had reprimanded him for not pouring out all of his troubles to her. She wouldn't let him treat her like she had no mind, but that didn't mean she couldn't try to make things a little better for him during her time in Forks.

Bella couldn't quite put her finger on what it was about the conflicted boy that tugged at her soul.

She pulled out her phone and sent him a message.

_You might have heavy shit going on in your life, but I can make it lighter. If you'll let me._

Bella was suddenly energized by the idea that she could help Edward. Her mother always told her that no matter how dark you thought your days were, someone else's world was missing the sun completely. Her phone chirped lightly in her hand, and fireflies lit up the night sky like tiny beams of hope.

_If you're willing to give it a shot, Sunshine, I'll take everything you've got. I've got nothing to lose._

At first she had thought the nickname was just a slip, something he had said in a moment of relief. Her spirit was instantly lifted by the ease in which he used the nickname, like he'd called her that all of their lives. A small smile played on her lips at the idea of knowing him forever.

**A/N: It's a short one, I know. If I ever write longer chapters I think the world may end. **

**I also was complete FAIL at getting a teaser to The Fictionator's on time last week. It was my birthday and I was crazy busy. No excuses. I promise that I will have Ch. 6's teaser up on Monday. **

**Sending lots of love and puffy hearts to my beautiful beta's, Kristi_28 and dorothysrubyslippers! I also adore my pre-reader, angel27eyes! **

**Leave me some love, constructive criticism, or let me know what your favorite book was as a child or your child's favorite book. (I'm recycling last weeks because only two people answered and I NEED more than that. You are about to find out why *winkwink*) **


	6. Damnation

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Quick A/N: Hopefully this works. Fanfail isn't allowing me to upload Ch. 6 from word, so I'm attempting to trick it. Sorry this is so late!**

Moonlight rolled in gentle waves through the window panes. Bella had always enjoyed sitting on the sun porch at night. The room was sparsely decorated; a small chair that sat caddy-corner to a floral printed love seat. There was a small white wicker end table that held a tiny blue lamp. As a child, Bella's mother would braid her hair as her father read stories from her fairy tale book. Her heart would soar at the talk of princes and happily ever afters. While she still adored the fairy tale books, they no longer held the magic they had in her childhood.

Bella sat cross legged on the cool wood floor cradling a cup of tea in her hands. The tea had long since gone cold, as she sat watching the fog slowly consume the turquoise water of Lake Crescent.

She watched as Edward gently traced his finger around the edge of his empty glass. The action wasn't quite as distracting as watching the shadows he cast in the moonlight, his face lit up by the shadowy rays of the moon. She longed to trace the paths that the moon illuminated on his body. It was nothing less than soul shattering, and Bella swore she could feel her soul break away and leave her body.

"Please say something," he murmured.

She wanted to say something. There was a backlog of words stuck in her throat, and they were ready to come pouring out the moment she allowed her heart to speak freely.

"What do you do?" It was the only question she could trust herself to ask.

"About what?"

She felt the laugh escape her lips. It was unbelievably rude, but she couldn't help it. "No. What do you do for a living?"

"Oh," he said, and she didn't miss the dejected tone of his voice. "I, um, I just manage an auto repair shop."

"Yeah? You always had a thing for cars." Edward had always taken a great sense of pride in his truck. Bella found it hard to understand how one could become so attached to a vehicle but Edward had explained that it was the only way he had to get away from his parents. He clearly hadn't lost his devotion to the vehicle, as it currently sat in the driveway looking exactly the same as the day she left.

"What do you do?"

"I own a children's bookstore in Seattle."

"Really?" His eyebrows shot up in surprise. Bella expected this. Not many people understood the draw of children's literature. When she had first suggested the idea to Eric, he had actually laughed before realizing she was serious. Of course, after the initial shock he was incredibly supportive and worked late into the night painting and installing bookshelves.

"Yeah. My degree is actually in education, but I discovered a passion for children's literature half way through school. The day the store opened was probably one of the best days of my life." The store still smelled of fresh paint and brand new dreams when they opened the doors to the public. The store did amazingly well considering that it was located in Seattle. Families enjoyed a small store with employees who could recommend great books on new babies or the death of a pet. They enjoyed walking in and being welcomed by name. Bella enjoyed all of those things, but more than anything it was the light that shined in the eyes of the children whose imaginations had taken flight because of a story she had read.

"What's it called?"

"Promise not to laugh?"

"I didn't laugh when you told me you owned a children's bookstore, and that's pretty fuckin' funny."

"Say it." She demands.

"I promise." As he said it, his eyes began to crinkle as his smile crept up his cheeks.

"Lightning Bugs and Lullabies." Her voice took on a dream like quality every time she said the name. It brought back beautiful memories that only existed in dreams now.

To her surprise he doesn't laugh, but his eyes dissolve into a sadness that her heart couldn't bear.

"What?"

"It's cute."

"Thanks," she mumbled, shifting her glance to the floor.

"I meant it. It's cute."

"But?"

"Nothing."

"Just tell me."

"Tell me why."

"Why what?"

"Why Lightning Bugs and Lullabies?"

"You know why."

"Why can't you just say it out loud?"

"That makes it real. It attaches the reality to the only dream I have ever seen come true."

"What is the reality?"

"That fate made a mistake with us. We are destiny's flaw."

The statement hung in the air between them, and Bella could feel the truth of those words burn her tortured heart.

Edward opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it. Bella immediately wished he wouldn't censor himself. She wanted so badly to know what he would have said.

Instead, Edward took a deep breath, looked straight at her, and put on his best smile. "Tell me about it. I want to know everything about your bookstore."

Bella launched into a description of the little shop that brought dreams to life. Her eyes lit up as she described tiny cubby holes with brightly colored pillows specifically designed for children to relax and read. Paper lanterns and twinkly lights hung from the ceiling and lined the walls. Her voice was dreamy and light, as she thought of the children's artwork that was displayed on top of each shelf. Fluffy bean bags with clouds printed on them, and large paper trees brought the outdoors inside.

She could talk for days about the store that was her escape from a reality that she desperately wished was different. Edward drew the line at several yawns and droopy eyelids. With sleepy limbs, she walked him to the door, and in a moment that seemed achingly familiar, they traded cell phone numbers and made plans to have dinner. Not long after he left, she curled up under the red polka dot comforter, and was lulled to sleep by the memory of the sweet scent of summer and blind love.

Unfortunately, morning always shines its brightest light on the evening's transgressions. Bella's cell phone sat idly on the bedside table. It's blinking red light indicated that she had missed calls and messages to attend to, but she was dreading the one from a lonely man in Seattle who was hoping that his wife was safe, warm, and missing him. She felt unbelievably guilty for not calling Eric, but her heart would want to tell him that it never actually belonged to him. Bella couldn't allow her renegade heart to take control.

She stretched her arms high in the air, and her body shivered with the use of its sleepy muscles. Her toiletries bag still sat in the trunk of her car, and the night hit her with a ferocity she hadn't expected. She really saw him last night. His skin touched hers, and his voice filled the tiny sunroom. It wasn't a dream, and in that very same memory was the sight of their wedding bands throwing silvery beams in the neon light of the tiny bar. The thought of him being home with his wife made her heart sink into her stomach. She wondered what he had told his wife about where he had been. She wondered what they wouldn't be willing to destroy to simply be around each other.

At the appearance of those thoughts, her skin felt thick with indiscretion and sin. The door to the bathroom wasn't far, but her feet carried her there faster than necessary.

She gently closed the door of the tiny bathroom and reached past the shower curtain to turn the shower on. The water hadn't been used in months, so she decided to let it run for a little while.

The mirror reflected her clearly as she began to peel the clothes off of her body. Her hands shook and she was heavy with the consequence that Edward's re-entry into her life would bring. Steam filled the small room as the water reached a stifling temperature. The weighted fog bore down on her tired body, and her reflection was no longer clean lines and clear pictures. It was smudged and blurry. Her eyes became tired of watching her figure grow fuzzy, so she peeled the shower curtain back and dipped her toe into the stream. The water was unbelievably hot, but she stepped in anyway.

She prayed that the burn of the water would wash away the merciless mark Edward's mere presence left on her. Instead her skin began to tingle, and her body remembered the way it felt when his bare skin had felt pressed against hers.

**A/N: This will probably post just after 6:30 p.m. CST, sorry about that. I got stuck in the self check-out lane at the grocery store behind some lady who wanted to buy an onion that no one knew the code for. So much for self check-out being faster. (This chapter is now epicly late because is being a h00r.)**

**This A/n will be slightly longer than normal, because I've got fic's to rec. I won't be recommending things every week, but if I've got something that is tickling my fancy parts I'll let you know. **

**First up, my lovely beta and fic soul-mate, dorothysrubslippers is posting a lovely story that involves a Britward. I'm always down for a good Britward. So head on over, take a peek, and leave some love. **

**http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5690969/1/Operation_L_O_V_Es_Recovery**

**Second up, is one that you all have probably heard of by now. I'm completely in awe of With Teeth by TalulaBlue. Now this story only posts on Twilighted, but that gives you an excuse to read it and then come play on the thread for Where the Light Is (the link is on my profile). **

**http://twilighted(dot)?sid=7061**

**I love my beta's. They are total rock star's! Leave me some love, constructive criticism, or recommend a fic to me. **


	7. Lullaby

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

He watched as she stormed off into the woods. His eyes were probably playing tricks on him, but he could have sworn that he saw steam rolling off of her in angry clouds. She was absolutely fuming, and he was so confused.

He hadn't meant to assume that she couldn't handle his situation. More than anything, he didn't want his darkness to overshadow her light.

Her retreating silhouette brought an intense ache to the center of his chest. He couldn't exactly place the feeling, but he knew that it shouldn't hurt this much to watch her walk away if there was nothing to lose.

He flipped open his phone out of habit to check his messages, and heard a booming voice.

"Cullen. Listen, I need you to go back to the store."

"What? I just went a week ago, and I bought the fucking jumbo pack."

"I'm confused. What part of I need you to go back to the fucking store, aren't you understanding?"

"How could you possibly have used all of those condoms?"

"Listen, Cullen. We aren't girlfriends, and I'm not gabbing to you about my fucking sex life. I just need you to buy me some goddamn condoms!"

"Why can't you just go to that little store at the gas station?"

"You are giving me a headache, Cullen. You know they don't have the ultra thin, ribbed, extra large condoms there."

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose, and silently prayed that Rosalie's father would lose his job as manager of the only fucking grocery store in Forks. He really didn't need to know what kind of condoms his best friend used.

"Listen, Em. I've had a hell of a day, and I'm just going to go home."

"Parents at it again?"

"When aren't they? I just can't handle it when they fight in front them like that."

As soon as they had started up, Edward gathered up his siblings, and walked them to the neighbors' house. Mrs. Cope was a sweet older woman, who was always willing to watch Charlotte, Lauren, and Peter. Edward simply told her that something had come up, and he needed her to watch them for a few hours. When it got to be dark, his father would walk over, kindly thank her, and walk them back next door. In that aspect, his parents weren't completely useless human beings.

"The little ones will be alright, Bud," he said, sighing loudly into the receiver. "Scratch the condoms. Where are you?"

"In that little clearing we found."

"I'm on my way. I'm bringing beer. Stay put."

It didn't escape Edward's thoughts that Emmett could somehow get beer but not condoms. He didn't have the energy to question it. He just wanted to stop feeling. He sunk back down into the cool grass, and waited for Emmett to arrive with the promise of numbness the alcohol would bring as it spread through his body.

The dull roar of Emmett's truck filled the clearing and Edward sat up. Shortly after hanging up with him, Edward had received a text from Bella. He felt dizzy as his thoughts battled inside of his head. This girl thought she could save him, and he would destroy her because of it. He wanted so badly to tell her to run, but something inside of him was screaming for her to stay.

Emmett slammed the door of his truck, and the sound of glass bottles crashing together made this moment entirely too familiar.

"We do this way too much." Edward had stopped counting the number of times they had come to this spot to throw their grievances into the soggy air, and replace them with the warmth of alcohol.

"You need me, I'm here. That's how we roll, Cullen."

Emmett had been Edward's best friend since first grade. On the first day of school, Edward's parents had been fighting, and as his father pulled out of the driveway, his mother launched Edward's Batman lunchbox at his car. The contents had spilled all over the driveway, and she was so preoccupied that she had forgotten to give him money. Luckily, Emmett's mom packed enough food to feed an army, and he allowed Edward half of one of his sandwiches.

Edward enjoyed the easy friendship he and Emmett had. If he didn't feel like talking about it, Emmett didn't force the issue. Tonight would be one of those nights. He didn't want to talk about the fight that his parent's had, or the shiny tears that streaked down the faces of his brother and sisters. He just wanted to revel in the silence, and let it slowly wash away his broken pieces.

Edward and Emmett sat for a few hours, listening to music and flicking bottle caps at trees. In the end, Edward's soul wasn't quite as restless. He silently picked himself up, and allowed Emmett to drive him home. He knew his truck would be alright in the clearing until tomorrow.

As Emmett pulled into the driveway, Edward realized that the one light he had hoped would be out was still glaring brightly through the window. He closed his eyes, and Emmett put a steady hand on his shoulder.

"I'll be back in the morning."

"As early as you can. I hate not having my truck." Edward shuddered visibly at the idea of not being able to escape.

Emmett nodded, and Edward slid out of the truck. He walked slowly to the front door, and prepared himself for what he was about to walk into.

The lights were off, and the downstairs was silent. He ducked quickly into Charlotte and Lauren's room. The girls' floor was littered with tiny plastic shoes and princess dresses. The two girls were curled up and sleeping soundly amidst the mess.

Peter was a light sleeper, so Edward opted to simply press his ear against the door. The sounds of light snores and peaceful dreams drifted through. Content in the fact that at least they were sleeping soundly, Edward moved quietly up the stairs.

He could hear them as soon as he reached the third step from the top. The harsh voices of his parents flooded the upper level of the house. He walked straight to his room, and quickly closed the door.

Simple wood was nothing against the penetrating sounds of acidic shouting voices. The noise made Edward's skin crawl, and the already immense hate grew larger in his chest. He needed something else to listen to; something that would take away the sound of these two bitter people screeching their accusations.

His fingers flew over the keys of his phone.

_Here's your shot, Sunshine. Make me light._

He hadn't expected for the phone to ring so quickly after he sent the message, but the girl had a strange sense of timing apparently.

"What's up?" She sounded so impossibly happy that Edward felt bad for the burden he was about to lay on her.

"That shit I told you about earlier…" He was cut off by Bella.

"Actually, you didn't tell me anything. What is that noise?"

"That would be my parents."

"Are they…are they fighting?" she whispered. Her voice sad and soft.

"Uh, yeah. They do this a lot."

"How do you sleep with all that noise?"

"That's the problem, Sunshine. I don't think I can."

"Huh," she sighed, "well, we can talk until you fall asleep?"

"I don't really want to talk. Listen, I know it's a lot to ask, but earlier today you were singing…."

"Yeah."

"Could you…would you mind just singing to me?" Inwardly, he chastised himself for being such a pansy. He couldn't believe he was asking this girl to sing to him over the phone. If Emmett found out he would never hear the end of it. He couldn't force himself to truly care about any of that, because he just needed relief from the awful noise his parents created during their screaming matches.

"I've never…."

"You don't have to. I just figured it was worth a shot." He felt so defeated. He should have expected the hesitation. They had only just begun to hang out, but it had felt so easy and comfortable. He had really hoped that she could fix it.

"No. No, I said I would help. If this helps, then I'll do it," she huffed.

She barely paused between the end of her sentence and the beginning of her song. Her voice was soft at first, but as she went on it was strong and easy.

As his parents screaming voices continued to carry through the house, Edward pressed his ear into the phone and placed his hand over his other ear. Bella's voice moved sweetly into the malicious air that surrounded him.

He didn't recognize the song, but it was totally something she would sing. Only someone as light and airy as Sunshine would sing a song solely devoted to smiling.

"Where did you learn that?"

"My mom used to sing it to me whenever I would cry."

He wondered what she would do if she knew that a tiny tear had made a path down his cheek as she sang into the phone. He assumed she would think he was a pansy, so he decided to keep it to himself.

"It's nice, but it's not always possible."

"Sure it is. Listen, I'm not going to assume to know what you've got going on, and I won't beg you to tell me. I just…I'm sorry for storming off earlier. If you need a reason to smile, just give me a call."

He sighed gently, and the receiver crackled. "Yeah, whatever you say, Sunshine. I, uh, I gotta go."

He wished it was just that easy. He wished that this radiant girl would be his reason to smile, but she couldn't be. His heart broke for her, because she seemed to believe that she could be. He knew better. Smiling was for people who thought that love still existed, and that you could depend on other people enough to actually smile about it.

**A/N: Apparently, Friday's are 's fail days. Perhaps I should switch my update day? I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I thoroughly enjoyed writing Emmett. Questions, concerns? Don't hesitate to ask. I'm always excited to talk about my story. **

**Send me some writing mojo, because as of right now I'm only one chapter ahead and that could screw with my weekly posting. I've got to pump out some chapters this weekend, but those words are stuck in my brain. **

**Also, in case you just can't get enough of these guys, this story began as a one-shot that I wrote for the Twi-25. If you head on over to my profile you can check those out. You'll get a one shot from Kate's POV (Edward's wife), and a few drabbles that take you a little deeper into the relationship. **

**Leave me some love, constructive criticism, or recommend your favorite red wine (if you are of age). **


	8. Anthem

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

The second Edward slid into the front seat of his truck, his mind was made up. He absolutely could not go home and face his wife. The questions would be endless, and she would want to talk this out. Unfortunately, this wasn't something that Edward could just talk out. If it were possible, he would have done it years ago. He couldn't talk it out, but he could come up with a way to ease the pain. There had to be a way to dull the pain of knowing that Bella was out there, and not his. If he could just make the soul-searing ache for Bella subside, then he could stand to stay with Kate. He couldn't leave her. She had laid everything down to pick him back up.

It wasn't long before he pulled into the driveway of the little blue and white house. Rosalie was going to be pissed because it was so late. He just needed a place to crash while he cleared his mind.

Emmett and Rosalie had been married for just over three years. They had been through the ringer, in terms of their relationship, but it absolutely made them stronger. Rose and Em were currently in the middle of trying to have a baby, which made Edward second guess just showing up and asking for a place to stay. In the end, Edward simply crossed his fingers and hoped for the best. It was bad enough that he was showing up in the middle of the night, but if he showed up during prime baby making time as Emmett referred to it, he didn't even want to think about what Rosalie would do to him.

He shut the truck off, and jogged quickly through the rain to the front door.

"Where the hell have you been?" Emmett yelled, as soon as he opened the door. "Do you know how many times she has called here?"

Edward shook his head, but offered no other explanation. He stepped through the door of Emmett and Rosalie's home, and then he lost it.

"What the hell am I doing? I love her. I swear to God I love her, Em."

"I don't have a god damn clue what you are talking about, Cullen. So give it up." Emmett closed the door quietly, and followed Edward into the living room.

"She's back." The tone of his voice and the desperate look on his face told Emmett everything he needed to know.

"Why?"

"I don't know. We didn't even talk about that."

"Did you tell her?"

"She saw the band. We talked about it. She's married too." Edward paced back and forth in the tiny space between the couch and the coffee table.

"Kate loves you something fierce, and you are going to throw that away?"

"I never said that. I just…FUCK," he yelled in frustration.

Rosalie entered the room, and raised her eyebrows at him. "Cullen, take it easy. You aren't the one sitting at home wondering if your husband is dead or alive. I don't know what you've got going on, but it's not worth losing her."

"Bella's back," Emmett said, sinking into one of the chairs.

"What?!" It took quite a bit to shock Rosalie, but that little piece of information did the job. No one had ever expected to see Bella back in Forks.

"Exactly," Edward said, as he sat on the edge of the sofa, and lowered his head to the palms of his hands.

"You look at me, Edward Cullen," Rosalie ordered. "I'm only going to say this once, so listen up. You are married. Kate would lay her life down for you, and you don't even deserve it. When you said your vows, you made a commitment to be loyal to her. Get your head out of your ass. You don't just get to think about yourself anymore, jackass."

Edward's heart took a stuttering beat in his chest, because she was right. Kate would give anything and everything for him. His feelings for Bella still lingered in a way that would never change, but that didn't make the promise he made to Kate any less sacred.

"I wouldn't cheat on her, Rose. Do you really think that little of me?"

"When it comes to Bella, I don't put anything past you. I saw what you two had together. That kind of love makes people do things they wouldn't normally do."

Edward stared blankly back at Rose. They hadn't spoken of that summer in so long; that the mere mention of it set his soul on fire. The memory of that girl could burn through him like nothing else.

"She's married too."

Rosalie's eyes softened slightly before she pointed an authoritative finger at him. "Cullen, get your priorities straight before you see Bella again."

"Can I sleep on your couch tonight, Em?"

Emmett looked at Rosalie, who sighed before nodding her approval.

"That looks like a, 'Yes, but if you fuck up I'll kill you' kind of agreement. You are playing with fire here, buddy."

"I know."

"I'm going to bed," Rosalie said, dipping down to kiss Emmett's cheek. "You've got sense, try to talk some of it into him."

As Rosalie sauntered down the hall to the bedroom, Emmett gave a sigh. "I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through."

"It's like seeing the path your life could have taken laid straight out before you, and knowing that there isn't a damn thing you can do about it."

Emmett nodded.

"It doesn't matter though. We made promises to other people, and both of us know better than to break them."

"So, what's your plan?"

"Bella and I are supposed to have dinner tomorrow, but I'm going to cancel. Rosalie is right. I've got to get my shit together before I can see her again."

"So, what was it like…seeing her again?"

"It's so hard to explain. She walks into a fucking room, and I feel like I've spent the last six years doing nothing but missing her."

Six years ago he would have said that he couldn't be more broken than he was the day she left, but he was so wrong. The second she walked into that bar, each shattered piece turned to dust. There is no doubt about it, with hello there is always a goodbye. Bella was his favorite hello, but she would always be his hardest goodbye.

"You just need a game plan." Emmett's statement is so matter of fact that Edward has to smile.

"It's not that easy, Em."

"You are just making it harder than it has to be. You want her to be an option, but deep down you know she can't be. Kate gave it all up for you, and on your wedding day you told me you were going to make her happy no matter what happened. It's time to sink or swim."

"I've got to get my mind off of this. I just can't think about it anymore. How are ya?"

"I'm good. We're good. The doctor thinks we've got a good shot at it this month, but Rose won't get her hopes up." Emmett gave a heavy sigh. "She blames herself, you know."

"It's not anything either of you could help. You were kids. That shit happens, and it doesn't mean that it has anything to do with what's going on now." Edward felt awful for burdening Emmett with his issues.

"Try explaining that to her. It tears her up. She's constantly thinking about the 'what ifs'. It kills me to see that look in her eye every time one of those stupid tests comes up negative."

"I'm such an ass. I'm so sorry for coming by tonight, and burdening you with my bullshit. You and Rosalie deserve every single good thing that life has to offer."

Emmett's eyes crinkled, as a huge smile broke out on his face. "It's gonna happen for us. That baby will have Rosie's hair and my eyes. We deserve all the good things, but so do you. Life's too short to let yourself drown in the past. You've got a great future ahead of you, and you have to allow yourself to enjoy it."

Emmett stood, and placed his hand on Edward's shoulder. When Emmett just didn't have anything left to say, this was what he did to let Edward know.

"Thanks for letting me crash here, Em. I'll be gone in the morning."

"You know that couch is always here for you whenever you need it."

As soon as Emmett left the room, Edward pulled out his cell phone and sent a message.

_You were right. I don't think we can be friends. _

As the tiny letters flew on invisible paths, the last vestiges of the heaven he had once found descended into hell.

**A/N: Hello, Lovelies! First things first, lots of chalky candy hearts to the two best beta's in the world, Kristi_28 and dorothysrubyslippers! A pretty handcrafter construction paper valentine to my lovely pre-reader, angel27eyes!**

**Now for some fun announcements! I will be participating in 's "Reader Appreciation Day" on February 28****th****. This means that ya'll will be getting TWO chapters in 48 hours. A lot of writing on my part, but I love you guys that much! I've also been asked to contribute a one-shot for "The Countdown". It will be for St. Patrick's day, and it must contain the smut, so that should be fun! I'll be posting a link for that as soon as it goes up. **

**I'm off to have a date night with my favorite husband. As usual, leave me some love, constructive criticism, or tell me what your favorite sappy mushy love movie is.**


	9. Unsteady

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

The cabin is settled sweetly amidst the trees, and the easy dark of summer night had begun to cover it. Bella always loved their summer visits when she was younger. She remembered sitting on the front steps, lips sticky and sweet from her cherry Popsicle, and watching as the fireflies played hide-and-seek. She would giggle and tap her toes against the soft wood of the steps as the sounds of summer played around her.

Bella sighed and sank onto the front steps. They were damp from days of endless rain, but they held the warmth and promise of summer. The cabin was dark inside, and she knew that her parents weren't there. She hated the idea of spending the evening alone, and found herself wishing that she hadn't stormed out of the field. She contemplated going back, but figured Edward would be gone and she would end up with the same ache in her chest.

Resting her back against the step, Bella reached for her cell phone and dialed Alice's number.

In true Alice fashion, she didn't answer the phone. Her voicemail told Bella what to do.

"Ali. I miss you. There is nothing to do here. I want to go to your house, order Domino's, and make fun of the people calling in to dedicate songs on that radio show. Call me."

As soon as Bella's thumb pressed the red button, the screen of the phone lit up with Alice's number. It always irritated Bella that she didn't answer her phone but always called back mere seconds after Bella hung up.

"Bella, that radio show is ridiculous, and Domino's sucks."

"How could you have listened to that message already? I just hung up the phone."

"Don't change the subject. Why do you want such lame things on a Friday night when you are at your freaking cabin on the lake?!"

"I just miss you. Why couldn't you come again?"

"Because Geometry hates me. The Pythagorean theorem makes me want to rip my arm off and beat myself over the head with it." Bella smiled to herself. That was Alice. Overdramatic and the best friend a girl could have.

"So, how's summer school?"

"Rip. Own. Arm. Off. Beat. Over. Head. Not clear?"

"Crystal. Sorry, babe," Bella said firmly. "Will you come visit? Three months without you seems like an eternity."

"Sure. You convince my parents to remove me from my eternal grounding, and I'll be right there."

"Damn, Pythagorean theorem," Bella grumbled.

"That's the spirit. So, tell me about the lake. Any hot boys you would like to mention?"

"Alice, this is Forks. It's like a retirement community." Lake Crescent was beautiful, but most of the houses belonged to retired couples. The only time Bella had ever seen anyone her age, was when the next door neighbors brought their grand-daughter one summer. She and Bella hadn't gotten along very well, and Bella hadn't seen her since.

"Ok. Hot older men?"

"Actually…"

"WHAT?!"

"No, no older men. Remember the boy from the condom aisle?"

"Yeah. The cheeky boy with the messy hair and unbelievable green eyes." Bella blushed at the overly generous description she had given Alice.

"I ran into him today. Actually, he almost ran into me." Bella recounted the afternoon to her best friend. Alice gave the appropriate reactions at all the right times.

"Here's the thing, Ali. He keeps telling me about how crappy his life is, and how bad he would be for me."

"Hmmm… dark and mysterious. I like it. You could use a little dark. It'll be good for you," Alice hinted.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't get offended. It's just that life isn't always rainbows and daisies. Parent's get divorced, cars get totaled, people fail geometry."

"I know that. It's so irritating when you say stuff like that," Bella grumbled. Alice was constantly telling Bella how easy she had it. Bella's life was nice and comfortable. She wanted for nothing, and excelled at most things. Bella knew she had it easy, but that didn't mean that she didn't realize that others didn't have it quite as easy.

"You've got it good, Bella. You'd be good for someone who's having a hard time."

"Sure, sure. I've gotta go."

"Don't be mad, honey."

"I'm not. Just hungry. I need to go make myself dinner."

"Alright. Call me tomorrow. Let me live through your summer. I want to hear all about this guy."

"Bye, Ali."

Bella stood, and her knees popped as she stretched and headed for the door. She turned the knob and pushed. She never carried her keys when she was here. They were in the middle of nowhere, and so locking the door just seemed unnecessary.

Just as Bella thought, there was a note from her mother on kitchen counter informing her that they had gone to Port Angeles for dinner and a movie.

Bella's phone vibrated on the counter.

_I'm sorry. Turn on that station. I just dedicated an LL Tool J song to you. ~Ali_

Bella smiled to herself, and turned on the radio in the kitchen. LL Cool J was not playing, but Alice had managed to redeem herself with that little joke. Bella's head bopped to the beat as she pulled together the ingredients for her peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

The evening crawled by. Bella sat on the sun porch and watched as the stars began to take their places in the sky. An eerie feeling began to crawl underneath her skin. She couldn't help but feel that this summer would be one she wouldn't ever forget. There was no reason in particular, but she could feel that Edward's presence would have something to do with it.

Her phone sat idly on the white wicker end table, and Bella's fingers itched to pick it up. She wondered what he was doing, and why she found herself so taken with a boy she hardly knew. She needed to know what dark things lurked beneath those sweet green eyes, and why.

Bella's fingers wiggled idly, and she reached for the phone. In this moment the day seemed entirely too coincidental to her. The phone chirped and his name flew on to the screen. The connection she felt to him was so incredibly strange. A feeling stronger than anything she had ever known shimmered and grew beneath her skin. It was beautiful, but not something she could put a name to.

_Here's your shot, Sunshine. Make me light._

She called him immediately, and discovered what she believed to be the source of his darkness. His parent's sharp voices carried through his sweet one. He sounded so incredibly broken, and she just wanted to fix him. She wanted to hear him laugh, and make him smile.

He asked her to sing, and she wondered if he would ever really talk to her. Bella needed to know exactly what was wrong before she could even attempt to make it better. The idea of singing to him made her feel sick, but he sounded so desperate that she couldn't allow her own doubt to get in the way.

The song floated through her lips. She took no time to think about what she would sing or how she would sing it. She simply let her heart do exactly what it wanted. The song sent exactly the message that she thought Edward needed to hear.

As a child, Bella had been prone to temper tantrums. She was an only child with two extremely devoted parents, and sometimes she just wanted to test the waters. Unfortunately, Bella's parents weren't the type to give in to her flare for the dramatic. So while Bella wailed about not getting the silly toy from the grocery store, her mother would sing softly, and eventually the beaming smile returned to her chubby cheeks.

As she sang she hoped that the words would do something to soothe his soul. She poured herself into the song, and in doing so she gave him a piece of herself. She felt it break away, feathery and light; it left her and made its way to him.

When the end of the song came, their conversation ended abruptly with him telling her that it wasn't always possible to smile in the dim shadows of a life outside of light.

Her body walked slowly to her bedroom. Her bare feet made shuffling sounds against the cold wood floors, and her body shook. She threw herself onto her bed, and buried her face in the white eyelet pillows that were only for decoration. The pain in her chest was a dull and burning ache. Her heart hurt for him, and she grieved the tiny piece of herself that she had given to him tonight. She would never get it back, and it had done nothing to soothe him.

Hiccupping breaths rocked her body into a restless sleep. In her dreams she faced a broken mirror. Its pieces placed haphazardly back together, but the picture wasn't complete. She could see her reflection but it was spotty and flawed. She turned her eyes away; too afraid to see the reflection of the broken and imperfect girl.

**A/N: Hello, Lovelies! As usual, big thanks to the best beta's in the whole wide world, Kristi_28 and dorothysrubyslippers! I also adore my pre-reader, angel25eyes! Love, love, love.**

**I will be participating in 's "Reader Appreciation Day" on February 28****th****. This means that ya'll will be getting TWO chapters in 48 hours. A lot of writing on my part, but I love you guys that much! I'm hoping for the writing mojo to take over my body. I've also been asked to contribute a one-shot for "The Countdown". It's for St. Patrick's Day and it is 9 different kinds of cute and fluffy. So if the angst is killing you here, you'll get a shot of lovey dovey when that goes up. I'll give ya the link as soon as I have it. I'm also loving 's twitter #readalongs! The stories this week were AWESOME! I tweet. It's cool. We could be friends on the Twitter. If you are into that kind of thing ;)**

**I was EPIC fail at responding to reviews, so as soon as this posts I'm off to respond to last chapters. I'm not even sure how to explain how awesome it is when that little review alert pops up in my e-mail. I was all kinds of fail this week, as I also forgot to submit a teaser to The Fictionators. That happens all the time, so I'm going to ask for your opinion. Would you rather me post a teaser on the "Where the Light Is" forum on Twilighted or send a teaser as a review response? **

**I'm off to eat cheese pizza for dinner, because it's "no meat Friday". As usual, leave me some love, constructive criticism, or tell me about your favorite fic that is up for an Indie.**


	10. Settle

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

The upbeat pop song blared loudly in the peaceful silence of the sun room. Alice had warned Bella that if she put that as her ringtone she would end up hating the song. Bella had disregarded Alice's knowledge as nonsense, but now the song sent shivers of hatred down her spine. She should have listened.

Bella tripped and stumbled in her towel all the way to the wicker end table where the phone sat.

"Hello?" she questioned, without even checking the caller ID. Fear shook her body. She wasn't prepared to talk to Eric just yet.

"You alright, babe? You sound freaked out."

"Yeah, Ali. I'm fine. Just had to rush to the phone."

"Oh. Well, I've got good news."

"I could use some. What's up?"

"I've figured out our bowl full of mush conundrum." A smile broke across Bella's face. Not only were they about to talk about the bookstore, but they were about to put the last piece of a month long puzzle in place.

Each month the Bella organized an "Author Spotlight" at the bookstore. This month they were planning to highlight the works of Margaret Wise Brown, and Bella had planned to decorate the story telling room just like the great green room. Bella brainstormed everything they would need, and Alice's job was to find all the pieces.

They had been searching for months on how to create a realistic bowl full of mush that wouldn't harm a child if they decided to give it a taste test. They'd experienced this during Eric Carle's spotlight month, when little Ruby decided to taste the wax fruits that the hungry caterpillar had enjoyed. Luckily, Ruby had been just fine, and the wax fruit seemed to have no ill effects on her digestive system.

"So, what's your plan?"

"Well, it's hard to explain. You'll have to see it. When will you be home?"

"Um…I'll be wrapping things up here in a couple of days. I should be home by Saturday. How is the store?"

"It's wonderful. You got a new shipment of books in, and Angela has already sorted them. She has also set aside a large stack of books for you to pre-read and think about ordering."

Bella made sure that she had screened every book that sat on the shelves of her store. It was important to her to have the trust of her parents, and to be acquainted with the subject matter when they asked for suggestions.

"Sounds like it's all under control."

"It is. How's the cabin? What have you been up to?"

Bella knew that her silence would speak volumes to Alice, but her words were frozen in her throat.

"I had a feeling, that's why I called. Do you need me to drive up? We'll drink wine, and burn pictures and shit."

Bella laughed lamely. "No. Yes. God, Ali, I don't know."

There was a bit of silence on the line. Not an uncomfortable silence, but one in which a best friend tests the air to see if kind words and a gentle presence are needed.

"Sit tight, babe. I'm on my way, and I'm picking up a few bottles of that Spanish wine you like."

It would take four hours for Alice to make the trek from Seattle to Forks. While Bella felt the small ache of guilt in her stomach, her heart could use the soothing company that only a best friend can provide.

She occupied the time with a trip to the grocery store for laundry detergent and dinner materials. Upon her return to the cabin, she washed the bed linens from the guest room and fluffed pillows. She opened the curtains and let the late afternoon sun bathe the room in an orange glow. The warmth helped the lavender scent from the detergent take over the usual empty scent of the room.

By the time Alice pulled into the drive way, Bella was ready for a glass of wine and some company. She could no longer keep her fingers from dialing the number she desperately wanted to dial. She couldn't bear the guilt of not dialing the number of that poor sweet man who was sitting in a tiny brick house in Seattle wondering how his wife was.

Alice slammed the door of the black sedan, and motioned for Bella to come over to the car.

Bella was quite a bit taller than Alice, but in her presence Bella always felt dwarfed. Alice was poised and graceful. Her personality was larger than life, and it made up for any inches that she lacked in the height department.

Alice pressed a button on her key chain, and the trunk popped open.

"I took the liberty of bringing snacks, too. Grab those bags, and I'll grab my overnight bag." Alice said as she grabbed her bag out of the trunk. Alice's overnight bag was as large as the bag Bella had brought for the entire trip.

Bella retrieved the necessary bags and slammed the trunk shut. "I grabbed stuff for dinner tonight. So we should be covered now."

They climbed the stairs, and Alice went to set her bag in the guest room. When she returned, she had changed into a pair of polka dot pajama pants and a tank top.

"Go change. We should be comfortable for this." Alice said, shooing Bella toward the bedroom.

Once Bella emerged from the bedroom in paisley pajama pants, she and Alice got to work.

Two bottles of wine later, they sat staring at three very convincing bowls full of mush.

"This one is the most mushy." Alice said, poking a manicured nail into the substance.

"Yes," Bella slurred, "But you put glue in that one. Glue is bad."

"Why the hell does Ruby have to eat everything?" Alice pouted.

"I say we go with this one. It looks mushy, but it isn't. It's made out of oatmeal and flour." Bella lifted the second bowl, and tipped it in Alice's direction.

"I'd rather it be mushy, but I suppose it would look bad if we poisoned the children." Alice said with a defeated look.

After dumping the bowls into the sink, Alice hopped onto the counter and gave a sigh.

Bella knew this was coming, so she took a long sip of her wine. She wasn't sure that she had enough alcohol in her to go here, but Alice wasn't one to wait.

"Tell me about it, babe." Alice laid a soft hand on Bella's forearm, in a coaxing gesture. The simple gesture made the words tumble out of her.

Bella retold the story of running into Edward in the bar, and then their evening together at the cabin. Alice's blue eyes watched Bella carefully, appraising the way her eyes danced as she spoke of him, and the way her fingers idly fidgeted with her wedding band.

Bella gave a loud sigh as she came to the end of the story. "It's all so fucked up."

Alice nodded, and reached for her glass of wine. She took a thoughtful sip, and then looked up at Bella. "Go on."

Bella hadn't known there was something more to say until Alice looked at her. Deep within her soul words that she had hidden were torn from their hiding places and brought into the soggy air.

"How do you explain this to someone without sounding crazy?" Bella wondered aloud. "In being separated from Edward there were tiny knots that formed throughout my body. Thousands of them intricately tied and wound together. The second I saw him, every single one tightened and twisted inside of me. It was this sweet pain, and it burned my entire body."

Bella closed her eyes, and wondered if the wine was making her mind foggy. She couldn't deny the truth of the words, but she also wasn't sure where they came from.

"Sounds like it was bittersweet."

The recall of this familiar muscle memory made Bella's heart lurch in her chest. It left her feeling jittery, but comforted.

Bella shakes her head. "You have no idea."

Alice nods again, but Bella couldn't tell if it was in understanding or judgment. "What about Eric?"

It was that question that always tore Bella apart. She thought of Eric constantly. It was unfair to him. He was a sweet beautiful man, who deserved so much more than what she was offering him. Her heart had settled on him. It was a feeling that was hard to name, but she could liken it to love. It wasn't that knotted stomach, can't breathe, can't sleep sort of feeling. It was tender, comforting, and serene. And while Eric made her feel each of those things, she continually laid minefields, invisibly and intricately threaded together, like a yellowed piece of lace. Each time that she thought he would give up on her, he would side step her landmine. He knew the steps of this slow dance she was mapping out, and he refused to let her destroy them. This week she had actually attempted to start an argument over the fact that he bought Morton's salt instead of the store's generic brand. Rather than arguing with her, he gave her a swift kiss on the cheek, and went back to the store.

"He's my husband. I'm trying to wrap my head around all of this. I just need to sort it out. Do you think that marriage is more than those first love feelings?"

"I can't attest to that," Alice said with a smile. Alice and Jasper had been dating for the better half of forever, and she had a bit of a chip on her shoulder and no ring on her finger. "If I'm just assuming, I would assume that those first love feelings begin to morph into forever love feelings."

Bella nodded, and picked up the almost empty bottle of wine. She lifted it to her lips, and took a sip.

Alice quirked an eyebrow, "Damn, you are a classy broad. I knew there was a reason we were friends. Gimme that!"

Bella laughed, and passed the bottle. "When did it get so complicated, Ali? Like, what was the turning point from dreamy youth to the full fledged reality of adult-hood?"

"I suppose," Alice pondered and puckered her lips, "it was somewhere between radio dedications and college graduation. It's hard to pin point."

Alice jumped down off the counter, and gave Bella a tight hug. "We'll figure it out, babe. Edward is married, and that sucks but you are married, too. You should call him by the way, because if you don't he'll be out here tomorrow morning."

"He can't drive when he takes his allergy medication."

"Well then, he'll be driving medicated or a snotty sneezing mess, either way you should head him off." Alice stifled a yawn at the end of the sentence.

"I'll call him right now."

Alice gave Bella a quick peck on the cheek, and headed off to the guest room.

Bella cleaned up the dishes from dinner and their experiments with mush. She turned off each light in the house, and walked back to her bedroom. The floorboards made soft sounds beneath her feet as she stepped lightly into her bedroom.

The little red light was blinking swiftly on her blackberry, indicating a new message.

_You were right. I don't think we can be friends. _

Her heart reeled and the knots tightened. Just as quickly as she had allowed her heart to react, her mind began to work through this. With deep breaths she convinced herself that this was best. Her conversation with Alice had made her want to work on her relationship with Eric. Everyone said that marriage wasn't easy, and it certainly was more difficult when old loves came first.

Bella dialed Eric's number, and settled into bed.

"Thank God," Eric breathed into the phone.

"I'm sorry," Bella whispered. It was a collection of apologies all rolled into one.

"It's ok. I'm just happy to hear from you."

"What are you doing?" Bella pictured him laying in their bed, with his glasses halfway down his nose. He would be reading some architecture magazine, and the TV would be blaring in the background.

"Just reading and missing you."

Bella sighed. "I know. I'll be home soon."

"Oh, I went by the book store today. I got that quote you wanted up on the wall."

The quote was one that she had come across just before leaving for Forks, but it fit the book store so perfectly that she had sent a quick text to Eric asking him to paint it on the wall above the cash register. It was a quote from Peter Pan, and just thinking of it made her smile.

"Thanks. I can't wait to see it," she said with a yawn.

"Get to bed, sweetheart. I'll talk to you some other time."

"Okay." Bella could tell by the tone of his voice that he was disappointed, but that was Eric. He constantly put her needs above his.

"I love you. Sweet dreams."

"You, too," she whispered, and he began to blow kisses into the phone. It crackled and she giggled. "Goodnight."

She set her phone down on the nightstand, and it beeped with the alert of a new message.

_I'd steal the stars for you. Sweet dreams. Love- E._

As Bella drifted off to sleep with the sound of Alice's soft snores floating down the hall, she decided that she would settle for the stars.

**A/N: Hello, Lovelies! As usual, big thanks to the best beta's in the whole wide world, Kristi_28 and dorothysrubyslippers! I also adore my pre-reader, angel25eyes! Love, love, love.**

**I will be participating in 's "Reader Appreciation Day" on February 28****th****. This means that ya'll will be getting TWO chapters in 48 hours. I love you guys HARDCORE! I'll save my crazy long "Ilovemyreaders" thank you for Sunday.**

**I tweet. It's cool. We could be friends on the Twitter. If you are into that kind of thing ;)**

**Still not sure what to do about teasers. I'll figure it out eventually. I totally sucked at responding to reviews (again), but I was busy writing my little fingers off. I promise I'll get back to you. A promise is a promise is a promise.**

**I'm gonna rec a fic tonight. This little gem is up for an indie, so after you finish reading, head on over and vote away. **

**Summer of Salt by lola-pops. I can't even begin to tell you how much I love this story. If you'd like to read a little summer lovin', this is your fic. It's sweet and slightly angsty. Give it a read, and leave her some love. **http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5589694/1/Summer_of_Salt

**It's "no meat Friday", so we are headed out in search of food. As usual, leave me some love, constructive criticism, or tell me about your favorite fic that is up for an Indie.**


	11. Goodnight

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: There is a super mushy love note to my readers at the end. If you don't want to read it, I still love you! Happy Reader Appreciation Day!**

Edward's eyes opened just enough to see the tiny bit of sun shining through his bedroom curtains. Long limbs tangled in sheets stretched and relaxed. He closed his eyes and took in the glorious silence that covered his house.

No screaming adults.

No crying children.

Just the sweet sound of silence, until his phone beeped.

It had been like this for about two weeks. Bella was very quickly wiggling herself into a place in his heart that he didn't think existed.

They had fallen into an easy pattern of good morning texts, long goodbyes, and comfortable silences.

His phone beeped again, and he huffed in phony annoyance. Her texts always made him smile, though he pretended to be put out by her waking him up.

_I waited until after 9:00, you should be proud. Now hurry up! -Bella_

He wasn't entirely sure why he liked her so much. She was opinionated, irrational, and naive. She was also a morning person, and that took away the majority of her cool points. Outside of her irritating qualities, she was kind, caring, and he could talk to her for hours. She never wanted to give him advice or try to make him talk it out. She just listened, and typically would do something totally ridiculous just to make him smile. She was selfless, and before meeting her he hadn't thought that actually existed in humanity.

They had been meeting in the clearing almost every day. They would spend hours there talking, or he would lay there and she would sing. They would begin their goodbye ritual hours before they actually left each other. Lingering touches on the back of her hand or that little spot between her shoulder and her neck. Moments would go by without speaking, but words just weren't necessary. It took that long for his body to settle into the fact that she would be away from him for hours, and this scared and thrilled him equally.

He dressed quickly because he knew she was probably already waiting for him. She was impatient as well, but that didn't bother him because he could be impatient, too.

With his shoes tied, and the subtle prickle of sleep leaving his muscles, Edward headed downstairs. The rustle of papers startled him, and the voice made his heart leap into his throat. He thought he was alone.

Esme was sitting at the table in the breakfast nook thumbing through papers. Her reading glasses had slipped down to the tip of her nose, but she didn't seem to mind. Her straight brown hair lay just below her shoulders. Her brown eyes seem clouded with years of doubt and lost adoration.

"Where are you going so early?" Edward noticed that even as she asked the question, her attention wasn't completely focused on one particular thing. She rifled through papers, pushed her glasses back to the bridge of her nose, and bounced her heals on the tile floor.

"Out."

His mother barely acknowledged the response. She simply nodded her head, and he wondered why she even bothered asking if she didn't care.

"Well, be careful."

"Whatever," he said just to test her. Most teenagers would get a solid reprimand for a response like that. Edward got nothing. No death glares. No groundings. Just nothing.

"Love you." Esme's voice was distant, and emotionless.

Edward moved silently to the door and grabbed the keys to his truck off of the hook, but his thoughts were screaming in his brain. For once, he wanted her to do something that showed an ounce of feeling. His mother was a shell, and sometimes he would lay in bed and try to remember what it felt like when she said she loved him and really truly meant it. His heart sank when he realized that he couldn't remember.

The drive to the clearing was peppered with feelings of emptiness and text messages from Bella. She was giggly and eager. When he finally pulled into the clearing, she was sprawled out in the grass. She turned her head, and her face was glowing. Her smile held the promise of sweet conversations and warm company.

He sat cross-legged in the sun warmed grass, and her head rested on his thigh. The discussion of the day was whether or not love exists. It was a conversation they had constantly. He listened to her argument, and then gave his rebuttal. They could go for hours, but regardless of what was said, light gentle smiles played on their young faces. Their eyes shone bright with a feeling that they knew nothing of, a feeling that was so far beyond their realm of understanding, but would haunt them for lifetimes. Once it was acknowledged, they would never outlive it.

"You believe that love can find you, and last forever. I don't believe love exists. It's a word we created to explain the feeling in our pants when we find someone attractive."

"Speak for yourself. My pants feel just fine."

"I'll bet they do," he replied with a wink.

"Ugh. Cullen, you disgust me."

"Sunshine, have you ever been in love?"

Bella gave a solid sigh and a whispered answer. "No."

"Then how do you know? I mean if you've never felt it, how do you know it exists?"

"You know," she said with a smile, "that question sounds incredibly similar to the one about the tree falling in the forest."

"Great minds think alike," he said with a smirk.

"Listen, Cheeky. I refuse to stop believing in something simply because I don't know it yet."

The look on Edward's face becomes very serious, and he saw it reflected back in Bella's eyes. He could tell she was wary of what he was about to say, so he stopped the words before they escaped. They lay quietly for a few minutes before she snuck a wet finger into his ear and squealed with laughter.

The rest of their afternoon was spent giggling and whispering. The sun that had once sat high in the sky above them was sinking slowly into the trees. The clouds hung like torn cotton in the sky, and he knew that it was time. Bella's family was strict about what time she needed to be home, and they needed to start saying their goodbye's so she wouldn't be late.

"We, uh, we better get going." Bella was twirling a blade of grass between her fingers, but she gave a sad nod.

They stood and their feet took slow steps towards his truck. He climbed inside, and rolled the window down. She folded her arms and rested her chin on top of them. They sat like that for awhile. Bella staring at Edward, Edward staring out of the windshield.

"Hey," Edward said suddenly. "You wanna meet Emmett tomorrow?"

"Ummm, I don't really think he's my kinda guy." Her eyes gave a shy glance towards the grass.

"What do you mean?"

"He just seemed kinda gruff that night in the parking lot, and I'm not sure we would get along."

"He's gruff, but he's like the guy version of you, Sunshine." Edward smiled thinking of the friend who had pulled him out of every crappy situation he had ever been in just by being his goofy self.

"Well, alright then." Bella gave a little sigh, and a smile. When she did things like that he felt like his dormant soul woke just a little bit more.

"You should really go," he said as he touched the tip of her nose.

She squinted her eyes and made a terrible face. "I know."

"Say it."

"No, you say it first."

"I always say it first."

"Lies. You always talk me into saying it first with one of your sob stories. I'm not falling for it again, Cullen." She stood with her hands on her hips, as if that made her resolute.

"Did I ever tell you the story about when my dad left and I slept in front of the door…"

"STOP!!" she yelled to halt his story. "Yes, you have told me this one and if you tell me again I'll turn into the same sobbing mess I was last time. I'll say it."

Edward tapped his fingers idly against the steering wheel, as he hummed the Jeopardy tune.

"Goodnight," she said gently.

Edward smiled. He loved when she said it first, because she never actually said it. When they had first begun to meet in the field it had taken hours for them to finally say goodbye, because they got side tracked in little conversations about favorite cereals, candy, and colors. He said goodbye, and she said goodnight and they talked for hours about why. Bella thought that goodbye's sounded hollow and empty. Once they said goodbye there was a chance that they would never see each other again. She thought the sound of goodbye's were haunting echoes of the end of something, and she hated them. She always said goodnight.

"Goodbye," he said solemnly. He always said goodbye because the good things in his life rarely lasted, and he wouldn't let her go without a goodbye.

**A/N: Hello, Lovelies! The beta's and pre-reader get a big sloppy kiss today. Not only are they awesome readers, but they looked over this chapter in record time. They read, edit, and make time to review. I love them something fierce. It's all heartwarming and shit.**

**Dear readers,**

**I'm about to get sappy, so prepare yourselves. **

**I'm just a girl who stumbled upon fanfic about a year ago. I marveled at the talent of the writers in this community, and their willingness to put themselves out there. They risked harsh criticism and scathing reviews to simply do something they loved. I never in a million years thought I would be one of them. When I finally decided to spread my wings and give this a try, I was met with unending support and boundless enthusiasm. **

**Today I want to thank you all for taking a chance. You hear quite frequently that it's hard to break into this community. I wasn't ever really concerned with having tons of readers or getting billions of reviews. When you have a story that really speaks to you, it's just exciting to finally put pen to paper. Each time I post a chapter I still get that jittery nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wonder if you all will enjoy it. Will you laugh? Will you cry? Will you want to reach through your computer screen and smack me around a bit? Each time my nerves are unnecessary. I am always met with unbelievable support, and love. **

**I'm gonna stop now, because I can't have more words in the A/N than in the chapter itself (did ya notice how long Ch. 10 was?!) You are amazing, wonderful, and the best readers a girl could ask for! **

***mwah***

**I tweet. It's cool. We could be friends on the Twitter. If you are into that kind of thing ;)**

**I'm heading out for a run before church. As usual, leave me some love, constructive criticism, or tell me about your favorite fic that is up for an Indie.**


	12. Goodbye

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

After spending the night at Emmett's house, Edward returned home to his wife. He'd kissed her forehead, and apologized for worrying her. Kate had called him a dickhead, as angry tears streamed down her face. She pulled out pictures of Edward and Bella as teenagers. The pictures had sat under their mattress since they had bought the house, but she had been changing the bed sheets and she found them.

She yelled, and she threw the pictures on the floor and asked where the hell he had been. Then she started to cry, and Edward pulled her to him and cried with her. Not because he was sad, but because he didn't know if he could stop the storm that was about to move through their marriage. She eventually pushed him away and stalked off to their bedroom. He was worried, but by the time he was out of the shower she had laid a pillow and a quilt on the couch for him and he knew he'd be forgiven in the morning.

He brought home roses, and they did the familiar dance of dinner and conversation. They lived a life that he could have been happy with, if his heart would stop remembering Bella.

The days since seeing Bella had passed uneventfully, but his soul ached and he needed to remember that summer for just a minute.

As the sun rose on Friday morning, he and Kate packed their lunches in the dim light of their tiny kitchen.

"I've got a late call tonight. I'll be at the shop a little longer than normal." He reached for the bread at the same time she did, and he withdrew his hand.

Bread, cheese, turkey, mustard, bread. Edward watched as his wife made her sandwich. He smiled when she cut off the crust. Kate hated crust.

"Will you be home in time for dinner?" She asked, with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"I'll try. This could take awhile." He felt bad for lying to her. There was no late call. He planned on wondering to the meadow and lying in the rain soaked grass until he couldn't take her memory any more.

Kate looked back, and gave him a small smile. "Ok. Well, I guess I'll see you whenever you get home."

Edward picked up his lunch, gave Kate a quick kiss on the cheek, and he headed out the door.

The day passed quickly, and before he knew it Edward found himself locking the door to the garage.

He walked to his truck, and stood there for just a moment with his hand on the door handle. He allowed himself to bask in the feeling that only felt with her.

The drive down the 101 seemed to pass quickly, but Edward's heart gave slow beats in his chest. When he parked and began to walk towards the clearing his feet felt heavy. His body was tired and achy from the war his emotions had been waging. He needed finality. He wanted to reconcile the mess that letting his heart rule his life had created.

He maneuvered his way through the mass of brown tree trunks, and spongy green moss. He broke through to fresh damp air, and she was right there. Standing in the middle of the space that held some of the happiest memories he had ever known, was Bella. Her hair was in a ponytail, and she was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. Simple, plain, but she still took the breath out of his lungs.

He was certain no one else would notice but him. He selfishly hoped that he was the only person who had ever basked in the glow she'd so freely given. Her light was gone. It used to glow on her skin and shine through her eyes during those early days when she was young and bathed in first love. He wished he had trapped it like fireflies in a jar. Light to save for the dark days.

She didn't have to turn around to know he was there, so she spoke to the trees.

"It's sort of ridiculous that we keep meeting like this."

"That's just how it is with us, Sunshine." In all of his dreams he couldn't imagine anything that hurt as much as seeing her did. She was right here. So close that he could lean in and press his lips to any part of her body, but he couldn't. They had both taken vows, and the shining bands on their fingers served as glaring reminders.

"We were kids." He couldn't help but notice how she fidgeted with the band on her finger as she spoke. His thumb found the band that graced his finger, and ran gently over the smooth metal. He could see why she did it then. It kept him tethered to something different. It made him think of someone else.

"You say that like it should explain everything."

"I wish it would." She bounced from foot to foot. Her body radiated nervous energy, and he couldn't remember a time when he felt this awkward around her.

"I wasn't planning on seeing you again."

"Ever?" Bella asked, her eyebrows raising in surprise.

"Probably." He kicked at the grass with the toe of his boot. He couldn't believe he just said that out loud.

"This is a good time to tell you that I don't think we should then." She stared impassively at the trees. Her hands fidgeted with the pockets of her jeans. She didn't want to see him. She couldn't touch him. He knew the feeling.

"Don't think we should…"

"See each other. My husband is a nice guy, and he deserves way more than I'm giving him right now."

"And you think never seeing me again will make that better?" Not seeing Bella for five years hadn't exactly done wonders for his marriage, and he guessed that it wasn't going to work for Bella's either.

"I have to try." She has the determined look on her face. He'd seen it before, and he knew better than to doubt it.

Edward shrugged his shoulders, "I suppose."

For a few moments they simply stood. The only noise in the clearing was the sound of even breaths and broken hearts. They just let it all be.

"Where did you go after you left the cabin?" The question came so suddenly that it startled him.

"Why?"

"I just…I just need to know."

"Emmett and Rose's house. I slept on their couch."

"They are still together?"

"Uh, yeah. They've been married for awhile. They want a kid, but it's not really working out." A pang of guilt spikes in Edward's chest.

"Huh." To anyone else it would seem rude, but he knew what she meant. Rose and Emmett fought all the time in high school. They made it through. Sometimes Edward wondered why they got the chance that he and Bella didn't get.

"Why did you come back to Forks?" Emmett had asked, and Edward didn't even know the answer. He wanted to know, now.

"Oh. My parents gave the cabin to me as a wedding gift. Eric's allergic to practically everything, so we never come out here. I needed to check on it."

"Are you going to sell it?"

"No, never." She shook her head slowly, and the words were dreamy and soft.

"Then you will be coming back to check on it?"

"About once a year."

Edward's brain began to come up with wild ideas of secret meetings once a year, but then he remembered a wife, and a home, and Kate's sad smile.

It was late afternoon in March, and a cool breeze blew through the trees. He watched from a few feet away, as she shivered.

She took a deep breath, and then her sweet voice filled the empty air. "I think you should know that it never stopped. Thoughts of you flow through me endlessly."

He decided it would be ok to just stand next to her. So he moved slowly to her side. The burning ache of love lost seared under his skin as his hand brushed hers for the first time in five years. Before it slipped back to rest against the side of his body, Bella grabbed it.

The sharp halt of the breath he was taking echoed in the open field. The spark the bounced between their joined hands lingered in a way that made it special. It was unfading and omnipresent. Even in its beauty, there was a dark side to the light. It lit up the fallacies in the vows she had taken.

She squeezed his hand three times, and then dropped it.

"Goodbye." Her voice was honey sweet, but the word was harsh and final.

It echoed in his mind, and once he finally heard it, really heard it, it sounded like goodnight. It would always sound like goodnight, because he couldn't fathom her goodbye.

"Goodnight."

**A/N: Hello, Lovelies! Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? I apologize for the delay in posting. If I could send each of you a sappy e-card, I would. I'd tell you how sorry I am for being a slacker and not getting this chapter out on time. Then I'd tell you all how awesome you are. Let's all cross our fingers and hope that I'm back on my Friday posting schedule.**

**As usual, big thanks to the best beta's in the whole wide world, Kristi_28 and dorothysrubyslippers! They beta my stuff even when they have other shit going on in their lives, and for that I am incredibly thankful. I also adore my pre-reader, angel25eyes (who is going to see Remember Me with me tomorrow! *squee*)!**

**We are headed back to kindergarten this no meat Friday. It's fish sticks and mac and cheese night. As usual, leave me some love or constructive criticism.**


	13. Infancy

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

It had been weeks.

Three weeks to be exact.

Three weeks of waiting in the middle of a field clutching a fleece blanket to her chest.

Three weeks of her ears picking up the sound of an engine roaring through trees. The reverberations strong and solid through the forest.

She stood in the middle of the field clutching the red fleece blanket for the fourth time that week. If someone were to randomly wonder into the field in that moment, Bella was sure they would think she was insane. There she was, all alone, eyes closed, and smiling like she had just discovered the meaning of life. Maybe she had. She wasn't so sure. She was only sixteen, almost seventeen, and life had so much more in store for her.

The smile on her face was new, and it spoke exactly what seemed to be going through her mind. Questions without answers, wonderings that lead nowhere, but it was clear something was happening. It was changing her, and she could feel it all over.

She couldn't recall ever smiling like that. Her teeth nipped her bottom lip in an attempt to hold the smile back, and just before the smile crinkled her cheeks she closed her eyes and waited. She stood perfectly still and smiling as she waited for his voice or his truck speeding into the field.

As if she had wished it into being, she heard the sound of massive tires sliding on grass. Laughter escaped through her smiling lips, excited and nervous. She heard the door to his truck slam. The metal groaned with the force he applied. In mere seconds his arms were around her, and her feet were no longer touching the ground. His hold was tight, and his lips were pressed gently into her hair.

They were teetering on the edge of something. Something scary. Something amazing. Something that made her heart leap and her toes curl. She could feel it burning deep within her, and even though she hadn't put a name to it, she knew that if she fully acknowledged the burn would change her permanently.

Edward had brought out an entirely new part of Bella. He made her think differently. He challenged her values and made her explain herself. She had opinions and he valued them. When they spoke there was a delicious warmth that started in her toes and spread throughout her entire body. Her heart bounced in her chest, and her blood pumped in odd successions through her veins. It made her feel dizzy and beautiful.

"Oh, Sunshine," Edward murmured into her hair.

"Yeah, yeah, Cullen." She said, playfully pushing him away. Bella laid the blanket gently on the grass, slipped her shoes off, and sat down.

She watched with skeptical eyes as Edward moved to sit down on the blanket. She smiled when he noticed her watching and stopped to take his shoes off.

"Sunshine, why the hell do you care whether or not this blanket gets grass on it?"

"Are you going to wash it?" She asked, poking him gently in his side.

"Not on your life. I'll take my shoes off thank you very much." He smiled his cheeky smile, and she rolled her eyes.

They settled into comfortable silence. It had become a routine for them. They met. They sat. They were silent, and then his words would come. They were strung together in a beautiful cadence of emotion, and they always brought her one step closer to understanding him.

She closed her eyes, and he laid his hand just next to hers. Skin touched skin, and then his fingers wrapped around her hand. Her intake of breath was sharp, and she lay still. This was different and new. It was the blurring edge of the line between friendship, and whatever existed on the other side.

A few more moments of heavy silence acknowledged the shift. Then, his voice broke through, and it felt normal and right.

"Lauren and Charlotte wanted to have a tea party before I left. You should meet them, so I don't have to do girly shit with them anymore."

She laughed. "Oh, please. Don't act like you don't enjoy it."

"I can't say that I do, but I'd give the world to make them happy."

It was in those moments, when he said things like that, that Bella felt incredibly immature. At that point in her life, she couldn't say that she felt that way for anyone.

"I know," she said turning to look at him. "They know."

"Do you really think so? I mean, they are seven and nine. Sometimes I hope they don't understand. That would mean they can't pick up on their parent's stupidity."

"They know. Actions speak louder than words, and you spend so much time trying to make them happy."

"I guess." He shrugged, and turned away from her. His fingers fidgeted in the grass, and he did his best to look unaffected.

"What about Peter?" This was the first time Edward had been really forthcoming about his siblings. Typically, he gave one word responses to Bella's questions about them, and she had stopped pushing.

"He's just like I was at his age. Diffusing arguments, and trying to fix things. I don't have the heart to tell him it doesn't get better."

"Where are they today?" There were days when Edward couldn't meet Bella because his siblings were home, and he felt like he needed to be there.

"Peter had piano lessons, and the girls are at a birthday party," he sighed. "I need to talk about something else."

Bella was studying his face when he said this. She was thinking about how sometimes he seemed so much older. His green eyes held something far more than what could be gained in seventeen years, and sometimes it scared her.

"Ok. You play piano. Do you sing?"

"Hell no. I'm awful. Seriously."

Bella laughed. "Perhaps I should be the judge of that."

"No way, Sunshine. Nice try, though."

"Fine," she huffed. "What else do you like to do?"

"I run cross-country for my high school."

"Really?"

"What? I don't look like it?" He asked, as he raised his eyebrows at her, almost daring her to say no.

"I don't know. What does a cross country runner look like?"

Edward's free hand gestured to his body. "This is it, Sunshine."

They laughed, and she called him egotistical. He sighed and she closed her eyes. His hand squeezed hers.

"What are we doing?" She asked gently.

"I…I don't know." His voice sounded so far away, and even though she had a million questions to ask she held them all back.

"We're holding hands," she remarks, and then mentally scolded herself for stating the obvious.

"Yeah," he says with a laugh. "Is that okay?"

"It feels okay."

It felt new and unsure. They were just beginning. Bella had to remind herself that they weren't the only two people to ever have experienced this. Everyone started in this very same spot. They were infants to this long standing tale, and she was only beginning to learn that everyone's story ended differently.

**A/N: I'm trying really hard to tone down the A/N's. I know they can irritate people. **

**The posting schedule is changing slightly. I will be posting a new chapter every other week from now on. **

**My beta's and pre-reader are wonderful. They know how just how much I love them. And you guys? Well, you continue to amaze me with your reviews and general awesomeness. I love you all something fierce. **

**I'm participating in Review reply day on 3/30, so if you review (I'm including this chapter, so you don't have to wait to review on the 30****th****) or PM I swear I will reply. As usual, leave me some love or constructive criticism. I'd really love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. It threw me for a loop.**


	14. Grown Up

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

People always talk about moments that change their lives. Moments in which they sit back and think about how exactly they managed to get where they are from where they were. In these moments, there are two questions that people ask themselves. Where did I go right, or which turn was the wrong one?

The moment that Bella set foot in the bookstore after being gone for nearly a week was one of those moments. It made her blood run cold and terror shot through her bones. The bookstore had always been a haven for her, but there was a new quote painted on the wall and it made her feel uneasy.

The quote was painted in sinister black and the script was easy and flowing. The quote would always hit a painful spot deep inside of Bella. Seeing it made her fold her arms around her stomach, and begin to question the idea of it helping her let go of _him_.

"Peter and Wendy had it easy," Bella said to herself.

There was one point in Bella's life where she could have asked the good question: one point in her life where she had wondered what on earth she had done to deserve something so wonderful. The point had been beautiful, but it had only lasted those three beautiful months of summer.

Bella sighed to herself as she began to mill around the bookstore. It smelled of crisp pages and fresh ink. It smelled of hope. Her fingers ran over smooth covers and bindings. She fluffed pillows and straightened the fringe on the area rugs.

She walked to the cashier's station and began going over paperwork and receipts that Angela had left for her. The bookstore seemed to have had a good week despite none of the usual extras. This week would be chock full of activities. There was the author spotlight, and then Bella planned to do a Kids' Evening Out. If she were honest with herself she would acknowledge that the extra activities were simply distractions. They kept her mind occupied so that she barely had to think about the other aspects of her life.

There was a post-it note from Angela stuck to the screen of the computer.

_The Crowley's are separating. Tasha wants your recommendations on books that might help Tyler understand._

Bella walked to the filing cabinet in her office and opened the folder labeled "Divorce". She pulled out the list and began to pluck books off of the shelves. Her fingers grazed the shiny cold cover of a book and her skin began to crawl. Her mind began to reel as it hit her that Edward could have children.

She was ashamed to admit that during her visit to Forks, she had allowed her mind to wander down a path in which she and Edward were free to try again. In her mind significant others no longer existed and Edward could still make her toes curl by simply touching her neck. It was stupid, and the moments that she had allowed herself to even think those thoughts were fleeting and they left her heart heavy.

The idea that Edward could have children made those thoughts that much more deplorable. The idea that she could have created a need for someone to read books about separation and divorce to their children broke her heart. The idea of them attempting to wrap their minds, and their tiny fragile hearts around the concept made her stomach turn.

A curse word slipped easily through Bella's lips as the little bell that hung over the door broke the edgy silence in the store. She should have remembered to lock the door.

"Hello?" Alice's gentle voice called out.

"For God sakes, Alice. Can't you call or something before you just barge in?" Bella's hands shook and the beat of her heart was quickened with panic.

"You're back, and in an awesome mood, clearly." Between the sarcasm in Alice's words, and her quirked eyebrow, Bella knew she was in for some questioning.

"You just scared me."

"Well, I was coming by to drop everything off for the Margaret Wise Brown spotlight, and the door was open. I stopped by your house earlier, and Eric said that he hadn't heard from you and didn't expect you until later tonight."

Bella took a deep breath. She had told Eric she wouldn't be home until later this evening. It wasn't exactly a lie.

"I won't be home until later tonight."

"Did you call him to tell him you were in town?"

"No, mom," Bella said. She threw in an eye roll for emphasis.

"Oh, that's mature. On both counts." Alice threw her arm around Bella's shoulders. "Wanna tell me about it?"

Alice's eyes were dancing around the bookstore, and Bella waited for her to say it. Bella watched as Alice's eyes met with the freshly painted black script.

"Oh, Bella. Why would you do that to yourself?" Alice asked quietly.

"It's a good quote."

"Do you enjoy feeling your heart break every day?"

"It reminds me to feel something."

Alice's intake of breath was sharp, and Bella knew what was coming.

"Maybe you should talk to Jasper, Bella." It was the second time that Alice had mentioned Bella speaking to a professional about what was happening. The first time had been the night before Bella and Eric's wedding.

"Maybe. I don't know. I'll think about it."

Alice gave Bella's shoulder and quick squeeze and the grabbed her hand. Tugging gently, she spoke, "Well, come help me get this shit out of my car."

After unloading Alice's car, Bella turned the stereo on, and they set about setting up the "Great Green Room". The sounds of sweet happy music filled the room, and no one spoke. Alice always knew when to just let Bella be, but occasionally she would lay a hand on Bella's back or brush her fingers through Bella's hair. It was the kind of silent comfort that best friends offered. In the moments when words weren't necessary or wanted, Alice always knew how to let Bella know that no matter how hard the fall, she would always pick her up.

By the time they finished it was almost ten o'clock. Alice kissed Bella's cheek and promised to stop by the store tomorrow.

Bella began the trip home, and she allowed the collection of glowing red brake lights numb her mind. She didn't want to feel. Her mind was on auto-pilot until the bright blue shutters came into view. All of the lights were out, and Bella hoped that Eric had already gone to bed. The man loved his schedule, and he was almost always in bed by nine thirty.

Her key slid gently into the lock, but the click of the lock seemed to be unusually loud. She tip-toed back to the bedroom, and found Eric snuggled under the covers. The sound of his sleep slowed breath, and occasional snores filled the bedroom. The quiet peaceful noises shook Bella's soul as she dressed in her pajamas.

She climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. Eric was already asleep, and she curled onto her side to see his face. He looked peaceful. Tiny sighs escaped his lips, and every once in awhile his limbs would twitch in dreamy restlessness. She placed her right hand gently under her cheek, and just before she fell asleep she felt a light kiss pressed into her wrist. Soft snores were still streaming from the sweet man next to her, and she was crushed by the fact that even in unconscious sleep he couldn't help but love her.

**A/N: Still trying to stick to shorter A/N's. **

**This chapter is brought to you by the lovely ladies who follow me on Twitter. They gave several pointed glares and stern talks to get this chapter. I love you guys! It's also brought to you by my lovely beta's and pre-reader. They've been there from the beginning and my love for them is endless.**

**No more posting schedule. I will try my best to update *close* to twice a month. Real life sure is a time sucker. **

**From here on out you will begin to see a little more of B&E's current lives. Eric and Kate are lovely people. Just sayin'. As usual, leave me some love or constructive criticism. I'd really love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. I know it's short, but I'm beginning to face the music that I may not ever write 5,000 word chapters. I think I'm okay with that. **


	15. Yours

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Sometimes it just wasn't enough.

There were days when her smile, her laugh, her mere presence was not enough to take away the weight that lay heavy on his chest.

Most days she would smile at him and instantly the world became infinitely more beautiful than it was before. It was like looking at a stained glass window; you think it's beautiful and then you see the sun shine through it and you realize you had no idea what beauty was.

The good days were more common than they used to be, but he still had bad days. Days when he thought hatred and anger would surely suffocate him. Days when the air that filled his lungs felt like lead, and he took breath after gasping breath just trying to find control of something.

He could control this. He could control what was happening with Bella. He couldn't control the fuzzy feeling that flooded his veins the moment he saw her, but he could control whether or not he acted on it. He knew what that fuzzy feeling led to. Every day he watched his parents, who had once been starry eyed for each other, tear each other to pieces over silly things. He wouldn't be the one to do that to Bella. It didn't matter what they did, he would break her heart someday. It was inevitable in his mind.

He sat in the field and waited for her. Guilt vibrated throughout his bones. He had left his siblings behind in his selfish need to get away from his parents.

He had parked his truck about five miles from the clearing, and he had run. His breath didn't have the opportunity to sit in his lungs. It came in fast fresh bursts, and there was no time to allow it to settle inside of him. Now, he was sitting in the middle of the clearing waiting for Bella, and he could feel his skin crawling as the anger burned through him.

She bounced into the clearing, and he already knew that asking her to come there had been a bad choice. He made a valiant attempt at opening up to her lately, but she had such a fucking positive outlook on things, and he couldn't handle it today.

"Hey!" Bella took her spot next to him, and placed her hand on his knee.

Edward closed his eyes. He tried to fight the aggravation, but his knee moved before he could control it, and her hand fell to the grass.

"What?" She asked gently, and then her hand gently brushed his cheek. It was all so new, fresh and believable. He wanted so badly to believe that there was something in these tiny touches and sweet moments that would make setting the feelings she created in him free worth it.

"It's nothing." He whispered, turning his face. He watched out of the corner of his eye as she tucked the hand under her leg, and allowed the hurt to finally cloud her eyes.

"You wouldn't have asked me to come if it was nothing. Just talk to me." There was a pain in her voice that he could have gone his entire life without hearing.

"Just a shitty day."

"Okay. Do you want to talk?"

"I don't know, Bella. I just…,"he took a deep breath. "We're just so different."

If Edward didn't feel like such a shithead, he would have found the look on Bella's face to be humorous. It was a perfect mixture of confused and livid. Her cheeks were rosy with anger, and her brown eyes sparkled with bewilderment.

Bella shook her head gently. "What does that even mean?"

Edward had been thinking about this a lot lately. The girl that sat next to him held every good thing the world had to offer, and he knew that he would strip her of that, and leave her with nothing but dark and ugly. He needed to stop this before it got to a point where it couldn't be stopped. She didn't need his fucked up and angry the way he needed her happy and light.

"You just have these ideas about life that I know aren't possible: love, family, and forever. It doesn't exist."

Her eyebrows were raised, and her breath was coming in angry bursts. "You don't know anything. Your limited experience doesn't dictate life, Edward."

"Do you really believe in all that fairytale "love is forever" bullshit?"

"What else is there to believe in?" The spite that her words put into the air burned his skin. "Clearly, not believing in it is working so well for you."

Her words hurt far more than he thought they could. On instinct, he stood and crossed the clearing as if walking away from the words would make them less painful.

He realized that his cynicism, regardless of what caused it, wasn't working for him. He was lucky enough to have found someone that he wanted to be with every second of his day. He was trying to cut her loose, because he couldn't be absolutely sure that no one would be hurt.

He heard her feet as they brushed gently against the grass. He felt her hand on the small of his back. She wasn't leaving, and he didn't have it in him to hurt her anymore.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. It's just hard to make you understand. It's hard to make you see that it's easier to believe in when I'm with you."

He turned, and there was a brief moment in which he thought that he could see eternity in her eyes. This girl would tear him down piece by piece, and he would let her. There was no fighting it.

He laid his hand gently on the curve between her rib cage and hip. Very gently he began to lead her backwards. His brain was screaming that there would be no turning back after this, but his heart needed her to make it whole again. Her back met with the trunk of a tree and her eyes were begging him to answer every question that was flying through her mind. He didn't have any answers, but he didn't need them anymore.

"Edward." She whispered, and it flowed through him like warm honey and he was drowning in her. He had to place both of his hands on her hips to keep from falling into her.

He leaned in and gently touched his lips to hers. This kiss was brief and sweet. The soft sweet taste of her lips was not something that he would ever forget, and he knew that he was forever changed. Outwardly nothing would appear any different, but inside of him a tiny spark ignited.

The breathy sigh that left her lips once they were free was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.

"Jesus, I'm an asshole." He said, pressing his forehead against hers.

"I'm just going to let that statement hang there for a second."

"Well, that's very sweet of you, Sunshine. It's not like my ego isn't already hurting enough."

"I'll make it better," she whispered.

Just like that, he was convinced. Convinced that she would save him. Convinced that this would change everything. Convinced that whatever his future would have been, the moment her lips met his changed it. Forever. He would never be anyone else's.

"So, what does this mean?"

"I'm just yours." He said simply.

**A/N: It has been awhile. I know. Writer's block hit full force and then real life decided to jump in. Plus, someone has been sending me Jasper/Bella stories that are like crack (but I secretly love them). Inspiration struck this weekend and I ran with it. Hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Big smooches to my lovely beta's and pre-reader. They've been there from the beginning and my love for them is endless.**

**No more posting schedule. I will try my best to update *close* to twice a month. **

**Next up is a little view into the life of Kate and Edward. After that things change a little, but I promise you will know exactly what is going on. As usual, leave me some love or constructive criticism. I'd really love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. I'm getting better at replying to reviews and it always makes me want to write. **


	16. Hers

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

It was one of those days in Forks: One of those days where the clouds pushed down, heavy and dark; one of those days where the air hung thick and suffocating with humidity. Edward wished that the sky would just let go, but Edward knew better than anyone that letting go just wasn't that easy. He envied the sky its eventual purge of the burden it carried. Edward feared he wouldn't ever be that lucky.

It had been one month since he saw Bella in the clearing. It hadn't been an easy month, either. He and Kate were stuck in an odd new routine. They were dancing around flames. Careful not to get too close, but the heat made it uncomfortable to be near each other. On top of that, Emmett had been in terrible spirits. There had been another batch of sticks that only held one line, a negative symbol, or a sad face; another round of, "Where did we go wrong?"; another visit to a doctor that had no answer except for, "Let's try again." Rosalie was at his throat over the smallest thing, and he couldn't even be upset with her, because she was hurting and there was nothing he could do to fix it. The shop was usually the only place that Edward could go to escape everything. He could get lost in the mechanics of things and it relaxed his mind. Unfortunately, Emmett had been a bear to work with lately, and Edward found himself taking the brunt of Emmett's anger just so he could let it out on someone.

Edward remembered several times when Emmett took his shit and didn't say a word. Edward was returning the favor, but it also helped take his mind off of the gaping hole in his life.

Days passed by one after another. It became difficult to tell the difference between Monday and Thursday. Edward moved through each day with the exact same routine. Responses to questions flowed through his lips with little to no thought. He was on auto-pilot, because if he thought it was about Bella.

Just like he had every day for the last month, Edward grabbed his lunch box from the front seat of his truck. He took a deep breath, and walked up to the front porch. A quick glance through the front window was all that it took to send Edward to his knees.

Kate was in the kitchen preparing dinner. That wasn't unusual, but there was a light smile that played on her lips, and her hips were swaying gently. Edward set his lunch box down on the front porch and tried to remember the last time that he had seen his wife look like that.

It had been just a little over two years ago. She was the smiling beautiful girl in white at the end of what felt like a very long aisle. She was beaming, and that was what carried him to her. She was happy. He made her that happy.

Edward closed his eyes and tried to ignore the heavy feeling in his chest. In the two years they had been married, Edward couldn't recall a time that Kate seemed as happy as she was on their wedding day. He had failed her. On their wedding day he had promised to make her happy no matter what. She had done so much for him, and he vowed to at least do that one thing for her.

When Esme left, Kate stepped in. Every day after school she walked Charlotte, Lauren, and Peter home. Kate would stay with them until Edward got home from track practice, and sometimes she would stay and listen to Edward talk as he made dinner. There were nights when there was no food in the refrigerator, and Kate would just march to her house and come back with food. She had been so giving of herself and her time. Edward hated that she was giving up so much of her childhood to help him, but he needed the help. Carlisle was working full time and going to school at night. The responsibility of caring for his younger siblings lay squarely on Edward's shoulders. Sometimes it was just too much to shoulder alone. Edward let Kate help, and when he was certain that Bella had moved on, Edward decided to move on, too. One evening at Peter's last football game, when Kate grabbed Edward's hand, he didn't shake her off.

The decision was his. It had always been his, but he had chosen to keep Bella tucked away somewhere. A constant infallible comparison for the woman he had married. When Kate sang it didn't sound quite right, because it wasn't the floaty sound of Bella's voice. When Kate danced it wasn't right, because it wasn't Bella's carefree twirl. When Kate whispered his name among twisted cotton sheets it wasn't right, because it wasn't the gentle sound of Bella's voice.

"It's so wrong," he muttered into his hands. Edward clenched his teeth and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes.

Edward's heart and feet wanted to run until they found Bella and just stay there, because at least the need to be near her would be satiated. At least, the thrum of wondering where she was and what she was doing would stop its irritating buzz through his body.

With a sigh, Edward stood and entered the house. Immediately Kate's swinging hips stopped moving, and the smile that had graced her lips fell into an odd pucker of uncertainty. Edward knew what he should have done. He should have marched into the kitchen and kissed her hello. He should have offered up light conversation and gentle touches as they prepared dinner together. Instead, he gave a small wave and a lame excuse.

"I'm gonna change into my running clothes. It looks like it may rain, and I want to get a run in before it does."

Kate looked down at the stove. "Yeah. Okay."

Edward changed quickly and left the house without meeting Kate's eyes as he waved goodbye.

Running was easy to control. Edward knew how to set a pace. He could control evenly spaced breaths. He knew exactly where to run and how far. He could control his arms and legs. He knew how to move his feet so that they hit the pavement in even beats and his arms pumped in a perfect succession. He knew how to control it, but that day he couldn't.

He burst off the front porch and down the street. His breath was out of control, and he had no idea where he was going. His mind was racing with thoughts of that sad look that haunted Kate's eyes, and why he couldn't just love her like he should.

Edward's feet slammed against the pavement, and sweat began to bead on his forehead. The muscles in his calves began to tense, but he couldn't stop. He ran until he saw something familiar. His body slowed at the sight of the little house with blue shutters and rose bushes lining the front.

He walked up the sidewalk with the intention of knocking on the door and asking Emmett to go have a beer, but the curtains were open and he could see straight through to the living room.

Emmett sat in middle of the floor cradling a sobbing Rosalie. Her head was resting on Emmett's shoulder and her eyes were closed. Tears stung Edward's eyes, but he wiped them away with the heel of his hand. Emmett's shoulders began to shake, and his hands twisted in Rosalie's shirt. Edward turned and walked back down the side walk. If there were a piece of him that was left unbroken it would have surely broken then. He couldn't stand to watch two more shattered souls attempt to become whole again.

Edward walked home slowly and tried his best to ignore the thoughts running through his mind. He ate a quiet dinner with Kate, and then settled in for the evening. He leaned over the nightstand to plug his phone in and noticed a message.

_I'll be back on June 20__th__._

She didn't have to say anything more than that. They both knew exactly where he would be on June 20th, because if he knew where she was he couldn't deny himself a brief glimpse of the only light he had ever known.

**A/N: Two days shy of a month. Whew. That was a close one. If you've flounced, I totally understand. I've had a lot of questions about how long this will be. I'm working on my outline right now. As soon as I know, I'll let you know.**

**I've gotten several author alerts and favorites. I'd love to know where you heard about the story so I can thank them. I appreciate every alert and review I receive. Seriously, I love you guys.**

**I'm really nervous about this chapter. I'm going to go make a pasta salad and hide under my pillow for awhile. As usual, leave me some love or constructive criticism. **


	17. Possibility

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**(It's been so long since I last updated. The last chapter was an Adult B&E chapter, so this one is a younger B&E chapter. I'll still be jumping back and forth between the two for a while.)**

The stars hung in the sky and their sparkle was perfectly alluring. The moon shone brightly, and a stream of misty air led to the perfect spot. The breeze was cool, and her skin felt warm with possibility. Her heart was screaming because it was so full it could burst. That was when Bella realized. On a night like that, she could easily fall in love with him.

The red fleece blanket sat folded next to her, and she ran her hand over it. They had been meeting in the meadow for weeks now, but things were so very different from the first time he came roaring into her world. She brought the blanket, they lay it in the bed of his truck, and then they would spend hours talking and kissing: mostly kissing. She had never kissed a boy so much in all of her life. Her lips were always so puffy by the time she left that she had to sneak into her room through the window so her parents wouldn't question her.

There was something incredibly freeing about being in a place that no one knew about but them. While the fireflies danced around them, they whispered secrets and told stories. She would often choose stories about Alice because those always made him laugh. She loved to hear him laugh. The whisper of their voices would float over them, warm and sweet in the summer air.

She glanced at her watch. Just when she was starting to get anxious, she heard the low rumble of his truck. Her heart sped up, and her palms began to sweat. She stood up just as he opened the door to his truck. She closed her eyes and waited for the feeling to come. It was a feeling that only the feeling of his arms around her could bring. The moment he touched her; the moment his lips met hers, she could feel the tingle rise up from her toes. It slowly filled her entire body, and it sent sweet chills up her spine.

He kissed her forehead, her cheek, her nose, and the little spot just behind her ear that always made her giggle. When his lips didn't touch hers, she opened her eyes slowly. He was smiling, and she captured it in her memory. She would never get enough of that smile. The way his eyes crinkled gently, and the corners of his mouth pulled up in a slightly lopsided manner.

She smiled up at him, and her fingers trailed gently from his temple, past his eyes, and down his cheek. "I love the way that your eyes crinkle when you are really happy."

"They only do that when I'm with you," he said, and if she hadn't been looking directly at him she would still know that he is smiling. It hung sweetly in the rough tenor of his voice.

He placed a gentle kiss on her lips, and took her hand in his. They walked to the back of his truck, and he gave her hand a quick squeeze and then let it go. He pulled the tailgate down, and she handed him the blanket. He never let her help spread it out, so she perched herself on the tailgate as he smoothed out the wrinkles.

In truth, the blanket didn't really help much. The grooves of the trucks bed still dig into her back, but eventually it would come in handy. At least she hoped so.

Edward moved to sit behind her, and his arms wrapped around her waist. His hand swept her hair to the side, and his lips whispered in her ear. "You are the best part of my day."

Her skin flushed and prickled with goosebumps. His lips began a torturous connect the dots. They were placing warm gentle kisses at her temple, her cheek, her neck, and then her shoulder.

Her body pivoted as her lips began to seek his. He pulled away for a moment so that he could shift himself onto the blanket. She laughed, light and sweet, because the blanket would be messed up soon anyways.

"It's not funny," he said, feigning indignance.

"Your concern for that blanket makes me a little jealous." She smirked at him and crawled across the blanket to the place where he lay.

"Well, you probably should be. It's red, and that's incredibly sexy." He hooked his finger through one of the belt loops on her jeans, and pulled her to him. The blanket wrinkled, and she laughed again.

His mouth caught hers, and suddenly things moved from playful to serious.

Her hands tangled in his hair, and she couldn't seem to get close enough to him. His hands were everywhere, and she swore her skin was on fire.

His fingertips were running up and down her spine, and she couldn't control her body anymore. Her hips moved against his, and her hands began to lift the hem of her shirt.

His lips continue to move against hers, but his hands left her hips and held hers in place. She tugged against his grip, but his hands wouldn't budge.

Her lips left his, and she pressed her forehead against his. "I want you. I want this. Please."

"Oh, sweet girl," he panted. "I want this, too, but not yet. Give me some time, Sunshine."

Her eyes closed, and she worked hard to get her breathing back under control.

"Are you frustrated?" He asked, as his hand brushed against hers.

"You could say that," she said, with a grin.

His face was suddenly very somber, "I mean it. Are you upset that I keep stopping this?"

Bella shook her head. His question caught her off guard, because she couldn't imagine being upset with him for something like that.

"I just don't want to fuck this up. I swear to God, Sunshine, you are the only good thing I've got going for me."

"Then we'll wait. No big deal," she said and placed a kiss on his neck.

They lay in the bed of his truck staring up at the sky and watching as the fireflies began to tuck themselves into the trees.

It wasn't long before they began their normal goodbye routine. He would check his watch, she would give a little sigh, he would lift her hand and kiss each of her fingers, and then she would snuggle back into his arms until he checked his watch again. They would usually do this until the minute before she was supposed to be home. At 11:59 p.m. there would be rushed kisses and goodbyes that were short but sweet. That night was different, though. That night they heard solid footsteps and loud cursing coming from the trail that lead to the meadow.

Edward threw a protective arm over Bella just as Emmett stormed into the field, and Bella thanked her lucky stars that Edward had stopped her earlier.

"Cullen!" He bellowed. "I'm losing my shit here. I need to talk to you."

Edward sat up, and pulled Bella along with him. The sight of Emmett was unsettling to say the very least. He was a stark contrast to the boy she had seen in the parking lot the night she first met Edward. His shoulders were slouched, his hands were shaking, and his eyes were red rimmed from the tears that were threatening to fall.

Edward scrambled out of the truck, and Bella moved to sit on the tailgate.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I don't know how this happened. I don't know what to do."

"Whatever it is, we'll figure it out." Edward placed his hand on Emmett's shoulder and that was when Emmett lost it. Sobs shook his entire body.

"She's pregnant. She's pregnant and I can't get her to stop crying. She's hurting, and there is nothing I can do, and it is killing me. It's killing me."

**A/N: I'm sure a lot of you saw this pop up in your e-mail and thought, "Where the Light Is? What's that?" It's been a VERY long time, and I'm not going to make excuses. I'm back on the writing wagon now, and I hope to be updating more frequently. **

**I'm anxious to hear what you all think of this chapter.**

**Reviews=Internet High Fives. I love high fives. They are my favorite. Just sayin'.**

**As usual, leave me some love or constructive criticism. **


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